Help! Patience is tough

[jaytee35]

Jrg, I hear you loud and clear. I think I am getting better but because I still think about her everyday I continue to rationalize hope.

Until the D is final, I will continue to hope and put in gods hands.

Jrg. If we are meant to be with our wives, we need to take this time as a gift and work on ourselves. Give them space and time, have patience as god is working on them as well.

If we are meant to be with them, god will place them back in our lives in the future. If we are not, well then. Because we worked on ourselves we will be much better men, husbands and fathers for the future!

[JRG]

Jay, we will be much better men, yes. I think most of us on this board have had an awakening. We're learning things about relationships (and ourselves) that we never even thought about before. In this way our sitches can be thought of as good things.

To hope!

[Emilys88]

I feel your pain!!! I try to distract myself from thinking of H but it is so hard some days.

[jaytee35]

Jrg, I agree. I think I have read everything imaginable on relationships since the bomb was dropped on me. I will definitely make a better husband for someone in the future. I just hope my wife sees the changes and decides to come back. If she doesn't then honestly, it's her loss.

Emilys88.

You are still very fresh with the bomb being dropped. Hang in there...I went from being an emotional mess who could not even function daily to now being able to,get back into my normal routine. Yes, I think about her all day everyday, but because I have learned to except it for what it is. I have been able to detach slightly to the point where I just miss her daily. I just keep telling myself it was HER decision and not mine. And I keep telling myself I have to except the things I cannot change. She will have to change her mind herself. Save my energy for things I can change....which is me. It has helped!

[Emilys88]

gives me hope that time does heal wounds : )

[jaytee35]

Emilys88,

Trust me, hang in there. It will get better. My problem now is I will go a few days thinking about her but not having the urge to call or email her. Then I will have a day like today where I feel this incredible urge to contact her. I am trying very hard to stay dark but I am starting to lose hope because she NEVER contacts me....If you have any other techiniques that work to help detach or save our marriages please let me know. I am willing to try anything at this point!!

[jaytee35]

Need some humble opinions here! Just had to stop by the house and drop off something to the WAW as well as pick up my mail. Wife is still extremely bitter. I came over with a positive attitude and asked if she wanted to grab some coffee and just catch up...she responded hastily with "I have nothing to say to you" she was mad because I was originally contesting the divorce. She stated that "after what I did with the lawyers" she has no interest in communicating with me. I then went into the house with her to gather my mail at which that point she looked at me and said if I continue to stop by unannounced or try and communicate with her she is going to call the cops. I don't understand why she is so bitter!!! I have givin her no reason to threaten me with the cops. So when I was leaving, I asked her to be honest with me. Because of the suspicions and evidence of interactions with another man. I asked if the real reason she filed for divorce was because of him....she responded with "I can have friends" ...I just do not know what to make of everything. Mainly the bitterness still. She claims she left me so she can find herself again and be "happy". Well it does not look like she is happy at all. Just extremely angry still. Can anyone give me some insight to the psychology of her mindset right now.....I am really trying to move on but this is tough knowing she is having interactions with another man. Please help

[Intact]

Honestly I'm beginning to think that there is always another man involved and whether or not they come back vastly depends on how their new relationship turns out.

[jaytee35]

Intact...your probably absolutely right. Sad isn't it. Well the funny thing in my switch is the other man had already been divorced, has two kids and a history of physical abuse.

So I guess that is what she wants!!! She can have it!

[Cadet]

whether or not they come back vastly depends on how their new relationship turns out.

I must disagree here.

I would say that over 75% of these relationships FAIL.

Statistic on second marriages is 75% end in divorce.

SO if that was the case, why is their not 75% reconcilliations?

I would say because in most cases the LBS has moved on and their is no one to reconcile to.