Dam C sorry to hear all that. It is crazy how they lie and become a totally different person. I found that when people start to talk about W like last night I just change the topic. You wish them well and hope they realize. But I think there in lala land and if they know they still have us hooked and would come running why would they change. That's why detachment is so key. Don't worry I haven't done it yet either and my time is clicking away. I'll be praying for you man.
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
same with me! sometimes I can't help myself! I did text H.about track meet(this is from my thred) Of course his response is excuses... meeting planned...didn't know about meet... maybe so, but again its about priorities. He didn't text her at all last night after D left him a long voicemail...was he with OW? Can I ask him why he didn't respond to her? Stupid me thinks maybe he's coming back in town...Trying hard not to text H. know its like talking to a brick wall
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I think it was the next day, and we had been talking and at one point I was telling him I wasn't sure what I was going to do.....but if I decided to leave, I wanted us to be friends. His facial expression never changed from the calm & cool way he had been listening. He just slowly shook his head and said in a soft but firm tone of voice, "If you leave, there will be no coming back....and there will be no just friends relationship". B/c he had that soft, sad...almost a kind smile on his face....and the way he said it (as if he felt sorry for me making the biggest mistake of my life), I knew he meant every word!
That's why I try to tell LBH's not to fall into the "just friends" trap. I never thought he wouldn't want to be my friend! It hit me that I was talking about cutting him out of life completely! I didn't reply, and he didn't say anymore to that part, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I knew he would miss me and probably be sad, but by that statement, I knew he was not going to beg me to stay or come back or "settle" for being my friend. The fact he would not settle....I think that's what got my attention, and even if I didn't want to admit it then, it stirred some much needed respect for him.
CBT this is what makes me think. My wife has said before that no matter what she wants to be friends. It scares the he11 out of me to say no that wont happen. And with A's... I guess I am seeing two very different thoughts on A's. 1. Don't stand for it, make the ultimatum and let it be known that you will not stand for it, period. Not that you still need to change and do work. 2. Work on yourself and prove your the right choice by showing changes. Allow the A to ride, with spouse aware that you don't approve.
I so wish I knew which way was best in my sitch for both!
I think there is a place for each depending on the sitch and people.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, I think you are dead on when you said there is a place for each depending on the sitch. Every sitch is different, there may be some similarities, but they are each unique to the marriage and personalities. I have decided to take the going dim and not being friends as long as she is continuing to see OM approach. Lol I don't consider that my W is having an affair. I know this started after we were separated for sure and she had already filed for D But what I will not put up with is her saying, "yes I think we need direction and i would like to go to a MC and work on things" and then lie to me about OM. I'm sick of the limbo. So I am going into "neighbor" mode
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Day 3 begins! Taking son to see Iron Man, not the movie, but an actual Iron Man figure. He's going to be so excited. Then we will go to playground and enjoy some frozen yogurt. Looking forward to spending the whole day with him. I did not text W all day yesterday. She did text me though around 8pm:
W: I'm at the show still is he still up?
Me: yes
W: Can I call?
Me: yes
She called and talked to him for a few minutes. I was proud of a couple of things. Normally I would text back something other than one word answers. Also, she said to son, "momma is doing well at the show not perfect but doing well" I could tell this was for me to hear and I didn't say a word. I would normally ask how she is doing and how the horse is doing, etc, etc Just not going to do that any longer
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
WTG !! Keep it up & have a GREAT day with your son!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Me:34 W:26 Together:5yrs M:6/4/11 1st bomb 11/11 2nd bomb 1/21/13 W files for D 3/18/13 She's living with her mom S:13 Previous marriage S:11 Previous marriage She has OM Previous FWB
Day 4 begins! I did not text W again at all yesterday. She did not call to talk to son. Today will be interesting on what she decides to do about son. Whether or not she wants to bring him up to show or not. A week ago I was going to meet her half way, but now since I am not comfortable with son going based on what I know she will need to come get him. I can't stop her from bringing him up there, but I will not help with something I'm not comfortable with. Son and I are going to church and then church fair afterwards. Should be a great day!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I am hurting worse than I have in a long long time. I always knew there was a chance, but I didn't think it would happen. W texted earlier and said call? Meaning when to call our son. She is staying where the OM is the whole week and has decided to be there instead if coming home at all. She will be gone for 10 days away from our son and now I have to come up with some excuse every day to why momma isn't here. I am angry, hurt, devestated all at the sametime. I want to text her and speak my mind and say a lot of things. I know it won't make a difference though. I gave her this option when I texted her on Thursday I just never thought she would actually take that option. I honestly would rather son not be there with OM, but I figured she would choose Son over OM. I guess it goes to show you how these things go. I am trying to keep my composure and not go nuts. Help!!!!!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Can't sleep! I am so disappointed in W right now and want to just tell her to go you know what. I won't do that though, or at least trying everything in power not to. I've got to get son up soon and get him ready for school then I have a busy day at work and really need to focus on me. When I think about how selfish W is being all I can do is hope that one day for my son that she can snap out of this. I can choose whether or not I want to fight for this M with my W, but son doesn't get a choice in who his mother is
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
