Suckerpunch down to the wire

[25yearsmlc]

don't think that divorcing will end your pain any sooner.

It just reduces the chances of your growth and a reconciliation. I have two family members who divorced and reconciled a few years later. Maybe it's what it will take for YOU to make the changes you need

and for your wife to believe in them. But this concept that you are victim here is going to stunt your growth

and harm your R with your w. Even if all you want to do is co-parent with her

then stop talking about how Unfair SHE Is...you have amnesia, I swear.

But the thing is, we don't. I read your whole thread and you had a lot more insight at the start, or at least you admitted your role and how your behavioral choices killed a lot of love in her.

Her love is hidden under her pain and anger and wounded pride and repeatedly being put down and worn down by your belittling ways. Most of what I just said came right out of your first thread.

This is tragic. Yes it is.

But the more you continue to harp about how wrong she is, and how right and victimized you are, the worse your daughter's life will be

and the less likely you are, to really change.

I mean, Why should YOU change, if this is all her fault anyhow?

Also, all the future predictions about how she won't change "even if" you do

are just excuses for you to stop working on you.

It's fortune telling that only helps you justify a divorce and giving up.

Do what you will and we all want you to be happy.

I just don't believe your present choices are being made with reflection and nor do I think you'll be happier or more at peace by filing.

I understand your concern about your wife and daughter leaving the country.

But the refusal to file for a sep because you can't "go thru this again" rings hollow.

Separation is NOT necessarily a step towards divorce but it would protect the ONE legit claim you have about needing to do something to protect your custody rights.

The idea that filing for divorce sooner, rather than later, assumes divorce is inevitable AND assumes somehow you'll have less pain because of filing now.

I don't buy either claim.

But if it's done then so be it.

Just don't stop the work you have to do. And it will stop if you keep blaming her.

Lose the anger. I hope you'll see someone or do a workshop or something to learn how to cope with your anger, better.

You seem to need to REACT when you feel bad, and that's just you surrendering to the urge.

It's not new behavior of yours, it's the same.