Yes, the limbo is very painful. You never know if you're wasting your life and should just move on, or if the destination is just around the next bend. I was listening to a radio therapist last night and she said it takes a long time for a woman to decide to leave, and once they've made that decision it's very very hard for them to come back from it. That would suggest that super-patience is required.
Where I think the Catch-22 lies is that in order for her to *want* to come back, such that she's motivated to actually work on the marriage, she needs to feel attraction for you. I'm not talking about head over heels "falling in love" stuff, just some basic level of attraction. Unfortunately, the position of being "one-down" in a limbo situation will inspire you to act in unattractive ways.
It's a VERY difficult cycle to break, because it's almost impossible not to have your mood influenced by someone you're living with and who you care about. That's what detachment is, but you can't really just will yourself to be detached, it comes with time.
In order to be attractive, you need to be funny and self-confident and often in decent physical shape. Self confidence is reinforced by other people's reaction to you. As long as you are spending the majority of your social interactions on your W, you're self confidence is going to go in the wrong direction. The ONLY path out of that is GAL.
I know it is so hard, but it is imperative.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
