I've had a bit of a light bulb moment about keeping the road home smooth. First, both kids showed real personal growth today and I'm immensely proud of them! And it made me sad that I couldn't share this with H because we don't have that openness anymore. It finally dawned on me that I can offer to share and that will allow him the opportunity to come to the table and show his effort too.
So I sent a text: Girls made me super proud today. I'd like to share with you if you have time to talk some time. lmk.
He replied: ok. I got your email (post about 5 LL earlier). I've been incredibly busy this week but I'll make some time this weekend to reply to it.
So whether he does it or not, whether he calls about girls or not, I feel very good about reaching out and offering to share. We'll see him a bit this weekend at station visit and briefly on Sunday, so there will be opportunities to talk.
I've had a bit of a barrier in my head about rebuilding trust and openness and I realized yesterday when H offered to check on house/cats while we're gone, that I have to create opportunities for earning trust in order to rebuild. Before it felt like laying a booby trap, but something flipped in my brain and I don't feel that way today. Maybe because my motivations have changed. I'm not looking or affording chances expecting him to fail. I'll continue to give the chances and his results have no personal effect on me because I feel good about what I'm doing.
Feel like I've just wrestled something in my head and WON!
