Help & Advice Needed Please (Thread 3)

[Intact]

I'm interested that you still think it sounds like script. I kind of thought there was a lot of clarity too it but perhaps I'm wrong.

Oh it sounds clear alright, but when pressed that's usually how the WAS responds. We're done, it's time to move on, there's nothing left to go back to, this is what's best for everyone, we'll all be better off, you and I will both be happier when this is done, etc. etc. etc. WAS's speak in absolutes. They hardly ever leave any room for anything other than D. But despite that, they sometimes do change their minds later. In fact it seems like given enough time that most of them do change their minds, but often it's so much later that the LBS has long since moved on.

Yes, I know you're right. It just sounded different this time some how - clearer. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it though.

[Spartan]

Intact

Truth is, I don't think I'll get a response - and if I do I'm only expecting "our marriage is over..." script BUT it's going to make me feel a whole lot better knowing that she knows exactly where I stand at "this moment in time".

We'll see... But I have no expectations.

You knew the response you were going to get before sending it so you shouldn't be surprised. Now your mind reading thinking her decision is clearer. Sounds like a script answer to me, only other response you could have expected at this time was no response...


Real question:
Does this make any difference to your approach? Now there's no doubt she knows your position. What are you working on for YOU?

[Intact]

Intact

Truth is, I don't think I'll get a response - and if I do I'm only expecting "our marriage is over..." script BUT it's going to make me feel a whole lot better knowing that she knows exactly where I stand at "this moment in time".

We'll see... But I have no expectations.

You knew the response you were going to get before sending it so you shouldn't be surprised. Now your mind reading thinking her decision is clearer. Sounds like a script answer to me, only other response you could have expected at this time was no response...


Real question:
Does this make any difference to your approach? Now there's no doubt she knows your position. What are you working on for YOU?

Hi spartan, it's made me feel a whole lot better about things...

I have constantly been working on me: I have counselling for my short fuse, have been on a basic financial budgeting course, learning to play guitar and I'm putting on a exhibition of my photography work - as well as that I have our son 4 days a week...

I will continue to work on myself though.

[hotwheelsaust]

I am worried if I send that letter, that will also be the response I get. I am simply not ready for that type of response yet.

[Intact]

I am worried if I send that letter, that will also be the response I get. I am simply not ready for that type of response yet.

Each to their own - I knew it was the response I'd get but it still doesn't mean it's over.

I feel so much better now that I've clarified my position to my wife and perhaps as AS said it has planted a seed - time will tell but I am absolutely certain that my wife and I have unwritten pages.

[Intact]

Pretty bad today. Son is with MIL all day and I know Wis with OM all day and night - itis these times, when I know they are together I'm dreadful at detaching and it all seems so unfair.

[hotwheelsaust]

Yes Intact, while my sitch is different, I have days that detachment seems to be working, then days I feel like simply ringing W and telling her how much I love her. Today is one of those days.

[Intact]

Hi hotwheelsaust - it can be very difficult. I still hate the thought of my W being intimate with OM - but obviously nothing I can do about it.

It's strange really, I think if any outsider or friend looked at my sitch they would tell me there's no hope. Yet I have hope. I have no reason for it other than I believe I have changed and we are parents together which I ultimately believe one day will have significant pull.

As I said I hate the idea of the OM but I believe if my W and I ever reconcile it is something I can get past... time will tell.

[hotwheelsaust]

Intact, like you, I understand the DB techniques help us be better people in case it doesn't work out, but I have to have hope constantly that it will work out. Other people simply say "get over it" and "move on", but that isn't what love is about. I view it as unconditional love. My view is that the S had to put up with me for years, dealing with my faults, so now it is my turn to put up with their faults (separation) and therefore show the love (DB principles) until they see the light. Whenever that may be. No matter what, that is my principle/vow/oath and I will do that for a long time.

[Intact]

That's how I feel too - but it's certainly a thankless task.

I just hope and pray that my W see the consistency of my changes and one day reconsider. Yes, I still dream sometimes that she comes round and tells me she's made a horrible mistake - I of course realise that won't happen.

Truth is - despite me making the changes I needed to make - I still have a sense that if it weren't for the OM she would give great consideration to reconciliation - that is of course a guess though.

Who knows what the future will hold? Sometimes I think the worst and think her relationship to OM will turn out to be long lasting and that I really have lost her forever.