I can imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be feeling right now. Divorces take months and your H is still very hurt and angry. The best thing is for you to stick to DR and follow everything written in it.
I would say it's a positive sign that your H isn't filing for divorce but separation. It sounds like to me he may want to save the M but doesn't want to spend his money on your affair. I know you ended it but it might be his perception that you are still in it.
Ignoring the kids is not good but he's probably doing it to avoid contact with you which would hurt. Most men are devastated by the thought of their wife with another man. It destroys their own self-esteem.
Me: 44 H: 48 M: 4 yrs My EA: 2010 & 2012 Me arrested for DV: 10/28/11 H left 1st time: 10/28/11 Reconciled after I pursued: 12/21/11 H left 2nd time: 12/23/12 Kids from OR: S16, S10, S8
I ended the PA before I was confronted by H. Not had a bit of contact since. It was a huge mistake on my part.
Had appt with attorney yesterday to find out what happens next. I cried the entire way home. I love my H, but if we go thru the entire process and the hell of it, I'm not sure what will be left of me to give. He has told friends that he still loves me, but he needs closure (revenge) in order to move forward. I know, one day at a time. I just don't know how much longer I can be the doormat.
God won't give me more than I can handle. I've quit try to plan and just let it happen. I will deal with it as it comes.
I've read DR 10 times...listening to KLA all the time...I'm giving the gift of time...I know I'm rambling, but it helps to keep me sane...
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
I read all these threads where one spouse makes mistake(s) and the other one is willing to work on the marriage. I make one mistake in 20 years of being in a lonely marriage and my H leaves and hasn't looked back...
Doesn't seem fair when I'm willing to do anything to make it work...
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
Well...I received my separation papers from my H yesterday. Needless to say, I was hurt beyond belief. I won't go into details, but it really is hard to believe that H can do this and not even give a second chance after 20 years.
I continue to stay dark, and have received no communication from him. Not really sure how this is working, but have to have a sliver of hope that I can still DB. I am working on me, GAL and all. Exercise is hard to find time and energy to do, but will continue working on that as well.
Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
Heading to my attorney today. Have gone thru many emotions about the separation papers. Hurt beyond belief, angry at H, and now I'm just numb...I still love that man, but you would think that after 4 months of anger, he would be able to move forward in some direction.
Been working on me a lot. Have a few health issues that need to be addressed that have been neglected. I also took a nice walk yesterday to try to clear my mind, although all I could do was think...I know I can only control me and that is the toughest part of all of this. I remain dark and have received no communication from H at all.
I miss H terribly. He was my best friend. Am what I am feeling normal? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
You know the saying, "the Lord will not give you more than you can handle"? Well, I'm about there...
D16 came to me this morning to tell me she got speeding ticket. She got it a couple of days ago and she had been crying about the sitch at home. She actually sat in my lap and cried. I told her we would handle it somehow and she said she would have H call me about it.
Well H called and we had a whopping 1.5 minute phone call. Unbelievable...He told me to email him the name of an attorney and he would call, but he will be out of country again so I have to handle this as well. I emailed him and told him that I would just call and that we are still parents to our D. I need him to co-parent, but he is too angry to deal at this point. I am about at my end of the rope.
Talked to my attorney this morning. He called H's attorney about separation agreement and she told him that H was done with me. No chance at reconciliation. So, needless to say, this is not a good day for me.
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
Hi Angie, sorry you aren't getting more replies, it might be a good idea to place a thread in Newcomers as it gets a lot more traffic.
Everything you describe sounds typical of a WAS. Your H is convinced that he is done, but that doesn't mean he can't change his mind later. It has happened here plenty of times, unfortunately not every time, but enough that it should give you hope. It is imperative that you quit focusing on your H and start focusing on you. You've got to get your self-esteem back, your PMA (positive mental attitude), your confidence and your "swagger". You're never going to stand a chance at getting your H back if you're needy/ clingy. I don't know if that's how you're acting towards him, but I get the impression you are. So get out, GAL, work on yourself. Take stock of what you did wrong in the M and do 180's on those things. Make yourself a better person, a spouse only a fool would leave. And give your H plenty of time and space. Hang in there, you WILL get better!
I read all these threads where one spouse makes mistake(s) and the other one is willing to work on the marriage. I make one mistake in 20 years of being in a lonely marriage and my H leaves and hasn't looked back...
Doesn't seem fair when I'm willing to do anything to make it work..." AngieG, I fully get this feeling as well. Yes I haven't been the best of husbands, based on our work sitch etc for the last 2 years, I have probably been miserable for the W to have to see and put up with every day. While I am working on my GAL and 180's, it is still a thought in the back of my mind always about why she didn't talk to me about how she was feeling, why she didn't want to go to MC, why, why, why? I still love her very much (even tearing up now), but I also wonder if and how can I live with this new person (based on her attitude now). And like you AngieG, I still will probably always wonder why after 23 years of marriage can the person you think you know so well just up and leave. I just have to get on with my life. With or without her.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Well, things have gone from bad to worse. D16 has decided to move in with H. I let her go and it has broken my heart. Separation is not going well. Attorneys are still working thru the agreement. H was shocked I got an attorney. REALLY!
H has made a couple of threats if he doesn't get his way in S. I've made up my mind to not believe him and just keep GAL. I am currently trying to find a place to move too that doesn't break my budget.
We have had a couple of conversations and he has made the comment "baby steps"...I have backslid and talked about my remorse for hurting him and the family. I will do much better in the future. I'm going completely dark. We have nothing more to discuss at this point. The hardest part is when I see him, he still makes my heart jump...
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
It has been a while since my last posting. Upon H's insistance, we are legally separated. A lot of money thrown away on attorneys. However, he has done nothing outlined in the agreement regarding the separation of anything. I am still in possession of everything he owns. H is overseas again and he asked me to email him. Hard to be dark with him. I email him a quick email daily and occassionally he will call. He keeps the conversation very generic but it's like nothing has changed. I have made the mistake of asking about us, and he just says he doesn't know. So, I am backing off carefully. Still emailing so he doesn't feel neglected (his words) but nothing personal. I just don't know where to go from here. I honestly feel like he cares, but is scared to face his feelings. Has anyone got any advice for me???
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 D 21 Away at College D 17 PA 9/12 H left 10/23/12
