Just picked up my car with H. It's like nothing ever happened. He acted completely normal. (Well, the new normal that we now live in) He was not short or unpleasant.
I wonder how many times we are going to do this? When will be the next time he flips out? Whenever it is, I'll be ready.
Of course this makes my mind spin & spin & spin…is him acting this way his way of numbing out & not caring while he tries to get his ducks in a row? Or is he really thinking about what he said & if he really means it? The old me would be asking him these things. The new & way improved me is waiting patiently & giving time. I've said it a million times…this is so hard!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Your situation, I think, is especially hard. I'm really impressed at how consistent and patient you're being! I think this is what cat was trying to emphasize, and, if so, I agree.
You're doing great!
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
Azguy, I think I've always had a strong personality. It's for sure helping in my sitch. Also, right after BD I didn't spend too much time begging, pleading, etc. At least I don't think I did. Really I only did that the very first night & immediately started refusing to hear him when he said he was leaving. He will bring it up occasionally, him leaving. I used to say-'I don't believe you, you're still here' & h would always say 'You're right'. It's been a while since that's happened.
I did a lot of stuff wrong & still do. But having a strong mindset has helped me. Plus, the fact that OW lives in another state helps. I know he's not seeing her every single day & that's to my benefit. So, I suck it up & bite my tongue when I hear his phone buzz from a text & turn the other way.
My mind does race like crazy though & that's my downfall. If I picked up the phone & called or text H everytime I wanted to make contact I would be doing so by the minute.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
It's early & Friday is not starting of so well in my mind. I don't like when I wake up & my thoughts immediately go to H & our sitch and what I can do to fix it & make him come back to & choose me. Oh, brother…it's gonna be one of those days.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Hey InIt. You've been busy! I am just getting back to the board from a couple days off. Jekyll and Hyde, that's sometimes how I feel when dealing with WAS! It sounds like your having a Why Me? kind of day. "Fix" and "Choose", boy oh boy, those words have put me in a funk hole a time or two.
We can't "fix" anything to make them "choose" us, because we are not broken. They are. The best thing we can do is, and this is VERY hard, hold it together until or if they do the work to heal themselves. Hopefully your H and my W will figure it out before we have outgrown them and our M's can evolve.
Today if Fabulous Friday and you are the going to have a great day!!! I think you should give into a pregnancy craving today!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
Ah, RealityTrip thank you! I needed that. Your words have given me a boost. I think I will give in to a craving & eat some Oreos today!
I know I can't fix or make him choose anything, but it sure would be nice.
I think I may "dark" today & not communicate with H at all. Typically when I do this though it makes H start asking me what's wrong & I don't know if I want to deal with that today?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Maybe you can get out and do something alone for awhile? Distract your thoughts?
I am here for you!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Busting, thanks for stopping by. I do think some alone time would be good. Unfortunately that's not going to happen for the next few days. D7 has a soccer game tonight right after work on our home fields & tomorrow morning we head out of town for a tournament on Saturday & Sunday. I'm just praying it goes well. Not having our house & being able to escape to another room or even leave to run is going to be hard. We will either be in a car or hotel room. Not much space.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Well, made it to lunch with no real urges to contact or force communication with H.
My mind is having a problem though…I want H to tell OW about this pregnancy so bad. I can't keep from wondering when he is going to do it? I know it doesn't mean he will miraclously come back to me, but can't help from wanting her to know. I know that we won't be able to move forward or even try if she is still in the picture.
H is going to be gone for the next two weeks & with her for 1.5 of those. I'm pretending in my head it's going to a 'goodbye' time for them. Like he's looking at it as one last time to be together. I know that if they do breakup it will be detrimental for him and will be grieving for what I can imagine quite some time.
Ok, enough of that crap! I think I needed to type that out to get it out of my head. Now, I'm off to get those Oreos.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Keep living with grace and dignity. In "due time" there is zero percent chance OW will not find out you're pregnant. Stop thinking about it. It very likely won't have any of the results you think it might, so hanging some subconscious expectations on it is just jerking yourself around. Keep taking great care of yourself!
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
