DBing European Style, part 2

[Papa4Life]

Hi WfM, her thread is/was called "Wife in MLC". If you can't find it, click her name, click "View posts" and go to page (wait for it!) 901. That's the first time she posted about her own sitch on her own thread.

Hi T1000, sorry, I completely overlooked your post. Thanks for your diplomatic response, but that's fine, really, I want honest feedback. I appreciate your taking the time to respond.

Apologies if I'm wrong but I think you come across a bit bitter even when there's some positive movement.

You thanked her for the thoughtfulness because she was thinking of you and she said "I'm always nice". If you left it there you would have been giving her praise for a nice deed. She mumbled and wasn't gracious in receiving the compliment. You then went from a positive interaction (from your side) straight into a negative one.

See, this is where I sometimes shoot myself in the foot. It was actually meant as a joke, and in her past life W would have recognized it as such (then again maybe not, wouldn't be the first time I misread W's signals). I was actually saying that I was a jerk for saying that in the past and that I'm glad we're trying to be friends now.

Considering she is a WAW was it wise to put her down? It's not gonna draw her to you.

I really don't think anything could draw her back to me at this point. DB has almost become a formality for me at this point to be honest, something I do just to be able to say to myself that I gave it an honest try. W is pretty done with me I'm afraid, so at this point I'm just trying to be positive for the kids. I would love to work on our R, but even I wouldn't want to do that unless W could agree to do some major work on herself.

I haven't had the pleasure of the big V. I understand your comments and I also understand it's hard work to look after a baby never mind two of them. Watching the nephews (how old?) for the weekend isn't the same as looking after twin babies all day every day. Did you say that you needed time and she said you couldn't have it?

If I understand you right, what you're saying is that, because I am the primary caregiver for the twins, I needed her help much more than BIL, whose kids were 5 and 6 or so at the time? I did point out to her that I could use her help, but perhaps when the doctor said that I could "return to work", she took that to mean that I could return to MY activities, which at the time were a bit strenuous. And, yeah, I'm a guy, I didn't wanna look like a wuss. But later when BIL was mentioning the surgery and the discomfort afterwards, she kinda gave me a guilty look, haha. Maybe I should have been more clear.

I don't want you to think I'm taking her side just trying see a mid ground. I imagine my W would have done very similar. Now though I think I would be more likely to say what I need and stand for it.

Again, it's fine, I appreciate having you play devil's advocate in a sense. I think that since I'm getting better at detaching, that I probably am more willing to stand up for what I need.

It's a good sign that she wants to talk more.

I don't know what I wrote that would lead you to that conclusion! W has very, very little interest in discussing anything with me at all other than the kids. C'est la vie.