sad to hear you here. boy do i get it - too, what you say. and i feel it all the time . my ow is not so exotic as yours - but as you say - how the heck do we "win" over that.??
the only thing that comes to my mind is that they "picked us" and were "with us" for soooo long. maybe it means nothing now to them (or maybe it only seems like it means nothing) . that's the real catch. if it was what it felt like allllll those years - then it is in face something huge. and it may be the sort of love that "wins the day". who can know this tho?
me, i tell myself why n the world would he be here 37 years or so- even when he's hating me (apparently) he's not leaving me (well- he hasn't yet anyway) (and he surely could. we're not married and legally i got nothin). he doesn't go.
i do not know why- i do not know what's in his head or heart. i guess it's that wild card that keeps us here dbing. the fact that what we HAD was soo good, it seemed worth a fight of some sort before just throwing in the towel.
honestly- i could cry for all of us- i feel so hopeless sometimes. but then i think- WHAT AM I running off to that's so pressing? if it's poverty and lonlinewss, it'll hold. it will be there when i finally do it. soooo - that's my insanity
