Quick Recap: As of the BD, my W and I had been together for 5 years and married for 3 and a half. We didn't have a very easy time of it. Before we were married, she lost an uncle to illness. I lost a job working for the organization that I always wanted to work for and had to take a job (that I loathe) outside my field to make ends meet. Since our marriage, my father had two major surgeries and many ER visits (5 in 2012 alone) before ultimately passing in November of 2012. His illnesses were why I could not look for work somewhere besides where we currently live. Her grandfather died on our first anniversary. Her car died a few months after our wedding and we had to buy a new one. She went from job to job for various reasons. Lots of stress. Lots of money issues.
The last six months we were together were particularly bad; Dad was in the hospital for most of that time and my workload at my job basically doubled because of an industry event.
I was withdrawn, physically and emotionally. We fought, a lot. We both knew things weren't good, but I thought I had time to set things right. After January 1st, I was about to turn over a new leaf and try to set things right. She left on January 2, filed on January 11, I was served on January 18. I was not told about the filing until it arrived on my door.
I didn't get the DB/DR books until around January 22 or so, and until then I made every textbook mistake MWD tells us not to do. Right around the time I got the books, my W and stopped communicating entirely.
It's a long story, but thanks to the actions of an acquaintance who is apparently slightly unhinged, my wife took a temporary restraining order against me in February. In my state, TROs are nearly always automatically granted regardless of merit. I assure you, there is no merit to her claims.
Since then I've retained a lawyer and there has continued to be no communication between my STBX and myself per the TRO. My in-laws haven't reached out to me at all. I spoke briefly with my FiL over the phone. The last time I spoke with my FiL, he advised me that there was no chance of R.
I've gotten a life, big time, since the BD. I've lost 50 lbs (most in the first six weeks) and started working out again. I'm eating better. I'm volunteering for a local non-profit. I'm looking for work and am no longer obligated to stay in this town. I've read many self-help books, started dressing better, taking better care of myself, adjusted my antidepressants, started seeing a therapist, and I have a couple big things planned once I lose some more weight and my finances are under control; right now, the S is hitting my finances disproportionately harder than my W.
Now: I'd still very much to reconcile. I've had a hard time detaching. It's like the phantom limb syndrome that amputees have where they swear their limb is still there. Sometimes I can still feel her in my arms or smell her hair. Still, somedays are better than others. I sometimes wonder if on those days I'm starting to accept the situation or if the "better days" are just days where I'm better at denying the way things are. My therapist thinks I'm doing okay, so...
My L is handing disclosures and we have another hearing in June. Other than that, nothing new to report.