DBing European Style, part 2

[T1000]

Well, the detaching is still proceeding apace. W seems to be doing her level best to bait me into an argument (read: more of the same), but my growing detachment has allowed me to let the negative energy blow right past me without affecting my mood at all. W today mentioned working extra days now that she'll need to adjust her schedule when I'm awa next month and complained that we don't talk. Pretty rich coming from someone who has essentially shut me out completely for the last several months.

D9 asked me to pick up her and S10 during lunchtime today to buy mom a bday gift, but W offered to go with them and wait in the car. I thought that was nice of her, as I'm busy with a fairly lucrative translation project at the mo. She also, without my asking, bought some things that I need from the grocery store for my vegan diet (reat of the family still very much carrniverous), and so I thanked her today for her thoughtfulness with these small gestures. W mumbled, "I'm always nice." To which I replied that I had long held that she was much nicer to friends and family than to her husband, and perhaps rhis bears that out. I mean, look I don't want to get into any W bashing here, but after I underwent the big V, W insisted that return immediately to all of my responsibilities with the kids, even though I was in a fair bit of discomfort and the twins were less than a year old at the time and had to be picked up to be put in their cribb or in the bathtub and whatnot, and lifting things is a big no no in the days after a V. I even recall W going out with work a time or two during that week. BIL on the other hand also underwent a V not long after, and asked W f she could watch her nephews ao he could relax. W not only agreed, but even kept them for the weekend to "give him a break to recover." I even wonder sometimes if my short recuperation time led to a stitch breaking, because it took an inordinate amount of time, and repeated trips to the lab with 'samples' before I got the all clear. This was typical behavior on W's part: not overtly 'mean' butsetting different standards forH and kids than for her" family."

P.S. Any guys who are reading this and considering a V, do not let this put you off. The discomfort involved in the procedure is minimal, and the discomfort afterwards is a dull ache for a few days, but can be more troublesome if you exert yourself. I'd say it was akin to having moderate muscle pain. Unless you absentminedly cross your legs, then it's whoo-daddy! Haha. Still the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. We had 4 kids so we were done, plus w had bad side-effects from the pill and a hysterectomy is mych more invasive than a simple V.

Apologies if I'm wrong but I think you come across a bit bitter even when there's some positive movement.

You thanked her for the thoughtfulness because she was thinking of you and she said "I'm always nice".
If you left it there you would have been giving her praise for a nice deed. She mumbled and wasn't gracious in receiving the compliment.
You then went from a positive interaction (from your side) straight into a negative one.
Considering she is a WAW was it wise to put her down? It's not gonna draw her to you.

I haven't had the pleasure of the big V. I understand your comments and I also understand it's hard work to look after a baby never mind two of them. Watching the nephews (how old?) for the weekend isn't the same as looking after twin babies all day every day. Did you say that you needed time and she said you couldn't have it?

I don't want you to think I'm taking her side just trying see a mid ground. I imagine my W would have done very similar. Now though I think I would be more likely to say what I need and stand for it.

It's a good sign that she wants to talk more.