That is great information and yes I think I was getting mixed up between going dark and detachment which has been confusing WAS. That helps me understand detachment much better and I can work on this to stop the distance/pursuer.
Her key messages have remained that; - I did not listen to her, - I did not get what she was saying, awkwardness in our communication - Did not explore here feelings but talked about me - I did not change, classical conditioning does not work. - She was doing everything stay away mums do and working and felt there was no thanks. - I did not lose weight which she found unattractive. - Acknowledging her efforts at home re cooking and children, playing on electronic devices when we are talking,
The lack of physical and emotional happines made the PA an easy step. This is difficult for me as she has said it is not relevant but will not commit to no contact. The leads me to think it is ongoing. As she wants to leave it is probably the wrong time to make conditions on the OM.
This is hard because I find myself emotionally feeling I have been wronged. I need to let this go and concentrate on improving by really listening to her ande setting goals around the points she has kindly communicated to me.
Her reactions are still very emotional and there is a lot of blame attached around her communication. I find that in the past I have reacted to this, now I know to detach, validate and focus on the points above. I can also see that I am lucky as her strong emotions and even anger is positive, she bottled all this up for years so her emotions still show me she has feelings and cares about what is happening.
Me 44 WAS 41 T 11 S 8 D 5 DB November 2012 EA and PA discovered December 2012 WAS moved out 4 May 2013 Share residence of S and D 50/50 WAS moves in with OM 1 September 2013.
