Ok I appreciate the advice... will see him Sunday so will broach the subject then, from a supportive place. Not a stressed place. labug, you're right I need to afford opportunities for change.
Interactions with H via text. He says he's been busy. In any other relationship I have, I would ask, 'really? what have you been up to?' But I ignore the obvious with H for fear of being nosy. I've asked before and either received no answer or vague answers. But that was awhile ago, how often does LBS test the waters for volunteered info? What does everyone else do?
DDs and I are going on trip next week. H offered to take us to airport today and asked if I needed him to check in on cats. This set off all kinds of alarms in my head, what's he going to do in my house? I've thought about it all day and remembered that I have nothing to hide. And that I can't build trust in H if I don't give him opportunities to be trustworthy. Really out of my comfort zone but I think I'm on board with allowing him to come over when we're out of town.
Then he mentioned trying to get out of work to see dds Saturday and I replied that we had plans and would actually be in his city for documentary movie I'm taking dds to. H's department just finished a year long remodel so he invited us to stop by to see the finished job. Another internal panic. WHY would he invite me (and kids) to his place of work? It's so humiliating to see all the guys H works with and I don't know what they know about our sitch! I feel like I'm going to feel like a fool. But I don't believe that's H's motivations, he is excited about the station and wants to show it off. And he was always proud of his family too whenever we came to visit. But things are different!! I replied with enthusiasm.
On Saturday, should I ask the obvious before we show up? Is it too awkward for me to come visit at work? Or act as if & bring treats and have it be like it was a year ago? (Then we'll leave & everyone will think to themselves 'oh, that poor delusional woman who thinks she still has a marriage...' okay that's me feeling sorry for myself, but it's weird!)
