Raine, Popping in for a quick hello...congratulations on sweet boy #4. You must be so in love!
I'm so glad you're still hanging in there. You have a resolve I simply cannot find-bless you for that. I understand your desire to run and be on your own and all that. Limbo is the worst of both worlds-not married, not single. I for one crave and miss the everyday physical affection-a quick hug here, a kiss there...I hate that part of being alone. Single motherhood is not a job for the faint of heart. It gives you strength and resolve that you never even knew was there.
As for feeling guilty about not always giving in to his affection and to pushing him off while trying to work on things, as mothers we are called to do it all. You did the absolute best you could with everything, I am certain of that. He did not leave because you didn't stop what you were doing and kiss him. His reasons for leaving are MUCH more complex than that-you know it and I know it too. I find myself returning to the phrase I've seen here so often when talking about my H-"I didn't break him, so I can't fix him". He's got to do the fixing on his own. You can be there to support him, but he's got to do the hard work by himself. Also, regarding him giving you a list of reasons about what you feel, etc., remind him that he cannot dictate to you how you will react, how you feel, what you will or will not do. Only you can decide or predict those things.
Again, so glad you're hanging in there. You make me so incredibly proud. You're an amazing woman.
Big huge hugs from the Sunshine State!! GG xo
You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -Christopher Robin to Pooh
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.
