Now that OM is hopefully out of the picture how can I be there for w so she won't feel lonely? And at the same time not pursue and appear clingy. What should I not do while my W fight off the temptation to seek OM again?
I don't know that I completely answered that question. But first, don't make the mistake of thinking OM is completely out of the picture yet. I hope he is, but just be careful. Even if there is no contact, he's not going to be out of her head right away.
Feeling lonely for some)may be an important test and part of the grieving process. It was for me. You can keep certain things going to stay active, but she's got to feel some of these things, in order to get over it. I believe some H's want to help the W too much. It often comes across as him smothering her.
Like I said before, you can be nice. But don't overdo it. I can't warn you enough on that part. You have to kind of be on the sideline where she can see your strength.....and know you are there "if" she decides she needs you. And, she may need one day, and then she may pull back the next. That's why you have to remain even keel. Let her lead you, in the beginning of this. And remember, you are seeing this as the beginning of a reconciliation, but she doesn't.......and it is important that you not say it or talk as if everything things are going to be okay now. She does not share those feelings. You just don't mention it. Remember, all of those kind of attempts can hurt you.
I know you love her and don't want her to suffer, but if you don't allow this process to be complete, she will have a setback. You don't want that to happen.
Is that all clear as mud?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
