Yup, I to at times think we are just deluding ourselves. We cannot mesure up to the life they visit in ea/ow. In my case I am starting to believe I need to 100 percent be out of his face, life and let him brew in his own stew. My comfort is his crutch that he uses to balance his crappy side.
Even though his ea is a maggot, that is not what he see's, he see's freedom to be himself, nothing else more than he can handle. He took a dr photo yesterday and said, I look like a homeless man! Right in line w/no need for any effort in his life.
SNODDERLY- thanks so much for your support and kind words. How am I doing? I am accepting w/anger and hurt, but understanding there is nothing I can do. I have kept my distance, as H has clanged on, literally.
Here's what I am learning from our last talk about moving out, if I do he will worry, I think that means he will not know what to do for himself in life. I know he needs me to balance him, he needs my peacefulness.
If we discuss him moving out it ends up more of the same, all that pain and anger pent up inside him is redirected at me the minute I try to extricate myself from the situation. Never underestimate how dirty and mean they can get to have their way I guess.
I feel like a kept women, he knows I am stuck, he's not putting it in my face or taking advantage, I am still in charge of all the finances, but that ea he keeps in touch w/makes me want to rip his face off.
So today I am indifferent! It's the best I got! It was quite a load but I am mentally working through it. Back up to my quote....it keeps me grounded!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
