So I found out something tonight that upset me and I confronted W about it right away.
That's never a good idea whether it's your W or the kids or a coworker or whoever. If you confront right away then you let your emotions run wild. Give yourself time to cool off and digest the info, and formulate what you want to say beforehand so you just go blurt something out.
Quote:
I said then why did you ask me what I'm talking about. Her response, because I don't owe you any answers. I said when it comes to illegal drugs in the house where my son is you damn well do owe me answers.
My IC told me there are 3 levels of communication- child, parent, adult. When you're talking to a coworker it's adult-adult. When your kid does something wrong it's parent-child (IE, "you did this wrong and you will not do it again.") Then she asked me when I normally talk to W what level it is and I said adult-adult. Then she asked what it was when we argued. Ouch. I recognized immediately that it was parent-child with me yelling and/ or lecturing W while she cowered. So knowing that, how would you classify the convo you had with your W? I know what it sounds like to me, and it ain't adult-adult.
Quote:
We talked about it and I calmed down. I told her I honestly don't care if she wants to smoke, I just don't like the idea of it in the house with my son.
So you started out yelling at her that she owes you answers for this horrible transgression, then minutes later you're saying you don't care and you just don't like the idea of it? Those sound like some pretty mixed-up signals. That's why you need to go in calm and collected. Determine what your boundary is regarding this and calmly present it to her and then leave.
I just can't help myself!! Had lunch today at a place near where my W keeps her horse. Ran into a girl that rides with W. She asked me if I was going up to show to watch W ride. I said I didn't plan on it, plus I wasn't invited. She then says, "that makes sense. I doubt she would want both of y'all up there at sametime" Obviously she was referring to other man. I was shocked because i didn't think but only a couple of people knew that. She precedes to tell me that W has been saying how excited she is to spend that much time with him and that she is excited for son and him to get to know each other. I just played it cool as best I could, until I got in car. I couldn't help myself because I do not want son around this guy that she has only hung around with personally a few times. I don't think it is appropriate at all. I sent her the following texts:
Me: W, I'm not going to get into everything right now because I'm trying my hardest to respect what you have going on and how stressed you are. But I want you to know that I know everything now. And that I plan on doing a lot of thinking and personal reflection while you are gone. I hope we can have an honest conversation when you return next Sunday. I am not comfortable at all with son going to show now and would like it if you would let him please just stay with me.
Me: Truly I am sorry for sending this today especially after we discussed last night about not sending anything unless its about son. But I am so hurt and disappointed by your lying I just can't take it. I hope you can understand that
She has not responded and I'm not surprised. She talked about last night how stressed she already was an do not send her any text unless related to son. Well I'm freakin sorry! Sorry that hearing that stresses me out so much and I couldn't help myself from saying something. It drives me crazy when I think about it like that that she is so selfish that its all about her stress and what she is feeling. Disregard all the lying and everyone having to move their schedules around for her to do this show. I am happy that that is all I sent. Months ago I would have blasted her with name calling and hurtful verbally anusive words. But I still wish I was strong enough not to send anything at all. I have no clue what to do. I am so lost and confused at this point. I guess there is no need to go to MC at all, I just need to focus on me and remove myself now. I'm actually ok with the OM, it's once again the lies.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Been there, done that, [censored] bad and hurts everyone, but you know that... If you feel like texting her again, come here first and text us ;-) Hang in there!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I will not text her again till this show is over unless its about son. Then is nothing to text at this point now that I know what I know.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Still no reply to text I sent earlier, also never called son to say goodnight. Each time he doesn't call to say goodnight to son it just reminds me of the person I'm dealing with now.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Enjoy putting him to bed, they grow out of that so fast!. What are your plans for the rest of the night?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Just put him down. Plan on reading some DR and watching the NFL draft
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Sounds like a good plan! Hope you sleep well. Tomorrow is a fresh day!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Day 2 begins! Started by having breakfast with my little man and then brought hin to school. I have a big meeting at 10:30 and thats where the focus needs to be. I will NOT text W about anything at all including son. She never responded yesterday and never called last night or this morning to talk to son. One day at a time
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
