Taking a step back-a fresh start

[cbtdad]

I just can't help myself!!
Had lunch today at a place near where my W keeps her horse. Ran into a girl that rides with W.
She asked me if I was going up to show to watch W ride. I said I didn't plan on it, plus I wasn't invited. She then says, "that makes sense. I doubt she would want both of y'all up there at sametime"
Obviously she was referring to other man. I was shocked because i didn't think but only a couple of people knew that. She precedes to tell me that W has been saying how excited she is to spend that much time with him and that she is excited for son and him to get to know each other.
I just played it cool as best I could, until I got in car.
I couldn't help myself because I do not want son around this guy that she has only hung around with personally a few times. I don't think it is appropriate at all.
I sent her the following texts:

Me: W, I'm not going to get into everything right now because I'm trying my hardest to respect what you have going on and how stressed you are. But I want you to know that I know everything now. And that I plan on doing a lot of thinking and personal reflection while you are gone. I hope we can have an honest conversation when you return next Sunday.
I am not comfortable at all with son going to show now and would like it if you would let him please just stay with me.

Me: Truly I am sorry for sending this today especially after we discussed last night about not sending anything unless its about son.
But I am so hurt and disappointed by your lying I just can't take it. I hope you can understand that


She has not responded and I'm not surprised. She talked about last night how stressed she already was an do not send her any text unless related to son. Well I'm freakin sorry! Sorry that hearing that stresses me out so much and I couldn't help myself from saying something. It drives me crazy when I think about it like that that she is so selfish that its all about her stress and what she is feeling. Disregard all the lying and everyone having to move their schedules around for her to do this show.
I am happy that that is all I sent. Months ago I would have blasted her with name calling and hurtful verbally anusive words.
But I still wish I was strong enough not to send anything at all.
I have no clue what to do. I am so lost and confused at this point.
I guess there is no need to go to MC at all, I just need to focus on me and remove myself now. I'm actually ok with the OM, it's once again the lies.