A New Beginning - after 2 years...

[keep_going]

AS, Bug, IO - thanks for the feedback and support.

AS - I understand why you are confused - I didn't explain myself well and the sitch is a bit more complex than what I originally described.

If I go back to work, I can cover all my expenses and those of the kids (when they are under my custody) except for daycare/school, which in my part of the country is insanely expensive.

My H can refuse to help pay for childcare and instead offer to take care of the kids while unemployed. He could then just sit back, stop looking for a job and become a stay-at-home dad, which he once told me he would not be opposed to. In addition, he can legally then ask for child support and alimony from ME.

So on top of my own expenses, I'd end up working to support not only my kids, but him and OW (when she is in town) while they raise my children. My salary could not even begin to cover all of that while paying for rent for myself to live in a decent and safe neighborhood.

Do I believe he would do that? I am not so sure, but legally, he could... I also don't believe he will become a dead-beat dad. He adores his children and is truly a good father.

In addition I don't think this has anything to do with MLC. My H has been a firm WAH from the get-go and from day 1 he just didn't want to pay me any alimony. He thought we could just split the kids' expenses 50/50 and go our separate ways. He just doesn't see the value of me staying at home with the kids if he had to support me.

I have always worked and been completely self-sufficient financially and he simply doesn't see why that should change and why he should have to support me if we are no longer together. He just wants his money and move on. It's that simple.

My L, my parents and I believe he is simply playing chicken to get me back to work so he doesn't have to pay alimony and that as soon as I get a job, he will miraculously find one shortly thereafter. I could be wrong and time will tell (very soon).

I also believe that he may actually already have something up his sleeve. My H cares too much about money and I know it's mind-reading, but he has been extremely calm about this whole thing. He has expressed his stress over a few emails, but the fact that he went to Thailand and that he continues to fly up north every other weekend to see OW tells me that he is still not feeling a rope around his neck.

Finally, most of my H's family is also completely supportive of me and are appalled by Hs behavior (and they don't even know how dire our financial sitch is yet...) My BIL has told me repeatedly that he will never let H leave me out on the streets and to immediately let him know if H tries to. The amount of family pressure H would get if he decided to not pay for his share of kids' expenses would be tremendous. In addition, I am not so sure that OW would see it kindly either, but that is their problem...

During a 4-way meeting with our Ls back in Feb., H said that if we ran out of cash, he would borrow money from his mom and/or his sister. We also have a couple of credit cards with very high credit limits (we had always been extremely responsible with money and were fortunate to had never been in difficulties before). So there are ways for him to cover his portion and he has not been opposed to it until now.

So part of the reasoning behind the doc. is to see H's reaction. If he completely disagrees and says he cannot help with kids'expenses, then he will show something different than what he has claimed all along.

I'll then tell him that I'll give-up my lease, move in with my parents and continue staying at home caring for S2 and D4 while he is unemployed. That we'll also need to take D4 out of preschool and enroll D5 in public school in Sept. and that I'll stay at my parents as long as necessary. If I did that, I would certainly incur less debt than if I have to go back to work and pay for everything (and also support him).

Do I plan to really do that? I don't think that is in the best interest of my kids, so no, but he doesn't know that. In addition, if I end up homeless, that will also not look good for him and it would bring him even more problems with his family.

Sorry for the long explanation. These are not easy matters and in the end, a lot of this is speculation and hunches and I am just trying to do everything to protect myself from the worst possible scenario.

Does that make sense?