Need info on WAH's access to home

[Tonkarider]

AnotherStander thanks for letting me know you have lived past these thoughts and feelings.
If I am at the barn riding my horse I am almost alright because I have to concentrate on what I am doing so I don't get bucked off. Right now at work I am sitting here almost unable to move or breathe I feel so weak. It is really difficult for me to imagine anyone else feeling this horrible, or having someone whom you trusted with your life just walk away. I feel like I am drowning. I have been working on myself since H dropped the bomb - I joined the gym, lost 25 lbs (in the last month so back to my "fighting weight"), got my nails done (first time since my wedding 15 years ago), made some close girlfriends (had become practically a hermit in the last 10 yrs), went back to riding my horse (stopped doing that after I had should surgery last year) - but here I am at work sobbing and feeling so hopeless. You would think I would feel better - I look better than I have in years. A lot of men have noticed me, which helps for about 2 min - but then I just want my H back.
Do 180s work on MLC Husbands? It took every ounce of my being to text back to my H (after he left at the house for me a credit card in his name for me to use for groceries & gas) "Thank you so much for your kindness, hope u are doing great!". I just wanted to text "I love you please come home" - but he moved out early when I said I love u please don't leave and when I cried hysterically. H said he didn't have to watch "that". I am so confused.
Does anyone have any hopeful or encouraging advice for any of this or similar experiences? I am sure something is wrong with me -I don't have any kids so I just want to end it all but I don't know who would look after my horse & I am afraid he would fall into the wrong hands(he is very expensive to maintain). Please help. I think something is seriously wrong with me, although I do feel a little better right now after writing this and that someone out there (AnotherStander) took time out of their life and their pain to comfort me.