New to this ...

[Breakdown]

I'm sorry you are here, but it's a good place to be given your sitch.

First off...just breath. This is going to be a marathon...it's going to take a lot of work, and it's not going to be easy. You'll backslide, you'll make mistakes, and you'll feel awful along the way....but keep going.

I have issues with controlling (the basic always needing to know everything) based on fear and anxiety that I really didn't understand why until recently. I always thought I was smart enough to figure it out and always said I would stop, even said I would get help but again always thought I could fix it myself.

Welcome to the club! What did you discover recently? How has that changed you? How are you changing your behavior? Your thoughts?

Now I am spinning trying to figure out next steps and just barely breathing through this.

Plenty of time...go slow. Move deliberately instead of reacting. GAL...work out...you can't spend all your focus on this. You have to give your mind a break.

....and hopefully can convince the W to do as well.

Didn't you mention controlling above? You might want to look at that statement again.

It's hard for me to gauge her intentions right now. We sleep in the same bed, as we haven't said anything to the kids yet, but its like sleeping with a stranger.

Trying to figure her out is a waste of time. All you can control is you....so focus on that, make yourself a better person. She will notice eventually....and a while after that she'll start to believe they're real.

So you mentioned controlling and I asked some questions above regarding that. What else do you want to work on? What are your wife's complaints in the M? What did you not like about your role in the M?