Welcome to the DB board. If you post often, it will get you through moderation quicker, and you'll get more responses.
You have approached a crossroad in your life. If you want your future to be better, then you have to make a turn. Don't long for what you & W had in the past. Determine that you will not try to make a u-turn in this road, b/c I promise you, it only leads to a dead-end. You can't go back to the way you've always been. She's had it with you. If you get a new W and continue the same behavior, she'll want out too.
So, it sounds like it is up to you. Not her, but you. So if it's up to you.....what will you have your focus on? If you have it on your W and what she may or may not do.....you will not advance forward in your journey.
Men's thought patterns are so different from women. When a man gets the bomb, it finally wakes him up and he's ready to do whatever it takes.....as long as she will let him know that she won't leave him. He wants to be assured before he does the necessary work. He is so afraid of her leaving him that he begins acting much like a puppy crying and begging. His attention is all on her and what she is doing. He may attempt to correct the things she complained about, but he does it with only one thing in mind.....it's to get her back.
I hate to tell you, but there have been a few men who thought they had made it over the mountain, only to find themselves back here again. Most of those men will admit that once the W's had R with them, they (men) fell right back into their old familiar behavior. They got the girl, right? That's what men focus on....getting the girl. That is the end....only in movies. In real life, it's the beginning. Same thing applies when a couple reconciles.
You already know.....and have known for a long time, you need to change. Like a lot of guys, you thought you could do it yourself. Sometimes, a little pride gets in the way if seeking out help with a personal issue. But now the time is crucial and you may never get another chance to make a difference in this MR. I hope you don't wait around.....still thinking about what you need to do.
One of the first things the LBS has to learn is that they can't control their S. You've got to let go. You've got to step back and let her breathe. Let go of that emotional rope you have tied around her.
Before I keep adding to this post, I hope to hear back from you.
P.S. Don't even consider marriage counseling. You need a therapist just for you. Don't try to get her to go with you, b/c you may hear an announcement you don't want.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
