Becoming Patient Man

[PatientMan]

My old thread went over 100 posts and was locked, so here is my new thread.

I mulled over what to name it, and settled on "Becoming Patient Man". I had my UN changed to "PatientMan" early on because I wanted it to remind me of who I want to be every time I logged on. Patience is a attribute I have to work on and cannot get complacent with, but I realize it is worth it because it is who I want to become.

Originally "PatientMan" was about how long I can endure the suffering of my sitch (basically just the "patience" part suffixed by the fact that I am a man), but this week I have turned yet another corner. I realize I also need to focus on the "Man" part of my UN. I need to reclaim who I am at my core, with of course applying what I've learned throughout this journey that has lasted almost a year and a half now. What self attributes I want to keep and improve on, and what attributes I want to change or get rid of.

In short, I am on a journey to be a "Patient" "Man", knowing I have to focus on each one of those words in their own right.

Thank you to all who have contributed to my thread. Your opinions have been taken very seriously and given a lot of thought.

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Update to my sitch:

sandi2's comments have really hit home with me, to the point I realize I have probably made a HUGE mistake waiting this long to take the step I have taken this week. BUT, I cannot change the past. I need to learn from it, but not dwell on it.

I have reviewed the divorce decree several times and am sending back my revisions to her today.

She has definitely noticed my lack of attention to her and is responding in kind, but is still amicable. She seems to currently be reciprocating the much reduced communication between us. I suspect she thinks it's because of the finality of D approaching, which is not the case, but I really don't feel the need to correct her false assumption right now. I was betrayed more than I am willing to allow, and I simply won't tolerate that person in my life if she is going to treat me this way. I am still cordial and in no way rude, but I discuss the kids with her and then wish her well for the day, and that's about it. I *think* she is trying to reciprocate my actions in order to give me a taste of my own medicine, but it isn't bothering me at all. I'm having trouble being around her or even looking at her right now.

One of my for sure action items was that post-D the ML would stop, but I am going to cut that off now. I am not a backup option and her temperature checking of me is going to come back a different temperature the next time. I am not okay with her continued transgressions, and as much as I enjoy ML, I am not giving her that piece of me anymore.

*I* have recognized my mistakes and have worked/am working diligently to improve them. She doesn't realize she has a lot of work to do to rebuild trust with me. I don't even think she's admitted to herself how much wrong she has done.

I am not bitter. I will not be rude or petty or small or immature. I will create a life where *I* can be happy, a life with my daughters. I will be a good man, a good father, and a good Christian.

A relationship is a two way street. I am willing to work on my side, but if she is unwilling to work on hers then I will drop the rope and move on with my life. Being there for her no matter what is not healthy for either one of us. It has not worked with regards to reconciling our M, but it also has not worked to make either one of us happy. So I am 180'ing that.

She has still been relying on me for emotional support, and I realize and accept the risk that taking this support away may push her towards OM. As I stated, my line was crossed. The behavior is unacceptable to me.

Thanks again to all who have helped me tremendously, both with your opinions, experiences, and just stimulating my own thoughts with different perspectives. I'm sure I'll have more updates to come as things unfold.

Make today great!

-PM