I asked where is this coming from? You just told me less than a week ago you needed time? Did I do something? What happened to the positive thoughts you said you were getting? Or were you just saying that? He said no, he wasn't just saying that & he really thought he was but he can't stop thinking of me being pregnant & planning it all to keep him around. He thinks he hates me, & will never forgive me.
Quit baiting him! The WAS is confused and in turmoil inside, their thoughts are ALL OVER THE PLACE. He said something one day and then something different the next? OF COURSE he did, he's a WAS. They ALL do that. Quit taking it personally, and quit asking him to explain himself. Quit holding him accountable for what he said previously. NONE of that is going to help you one bit, and will probably hurt you. Do you know much about validation? THAT is what you need to be doing. Don't talk, LISTEN. Even if his thoughts are crazy and don't make sense, LISTEN to him. Don't reason/ explain/ agree/ disagree/ etc. Just let him talk, and when he expresses emotions tell him you understand why he feels that way. So for example, he says "it was the 'whole pregnancy thing' and he's still ticked about it" you say "you sound frustrated, is that how you feel?" "Yes I'm frustrated, I feel like you did this just to make sure I can't leave!!" "You do sound frustrated about that, I'm sorry you feel that way." When you validate, you remove all pressure. You're not agreeing with him, you're acknowledging his feelings. Do you understand the difference? DO NOT push his buttons, it'll just result in arguments that go nowhere which is probably one of the contributing factors to your sitch. Avoid "more of the same" behavior. Looks for ways to do 180's on what got you here. Validation is one of those 180's.
