"Are you doing the things you should be to be a spiritual leader in your house?"
Not where I want to be yet. I have really worked on my relationship with Christ over the past 4 or 5 months. I had a very bad example as a father where I learned verbal abuse among other bad traits growing up. Therefore I have begun to try and live like my Father above would want me to, although I have definitely slipped along the way. Me being a spiritual leader would mean me leading by example to my son and W. By showing her love, kindness, sacrafice and selflessness.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So I found out something tonight that upset me and I confronted W about it right away. My BIL informed that he was looking for something in his closet at his moms house where W is currently staying and he found some marijuana and a pipe. Really!! In the same house and room that my 3 and half year old plays in. I was pissed to say the least. I went straight to the house and asked her how long she has been smoking weed. She said, "what are you talking about?" I told her what her brother told me he found. She just said ok. I said then why did you ask me what I'm talking about. Her response, because I don't owe you any answers. I said when it comes to illegal drugs in the house where my son is you damn well do owe me answers. We talked about it and I calmed down. I told her I honestly don't care if she wants to smoke, I just don't like the idea of it in the house with my son. She got upset that I came over and dicussed this the day before the show knowing she's already stressed. I told her sorry hat wasnt something I could let stew for 10 days. This really has me once again questioning if I want this to work or not. I don't know who this woman is!
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
She has smoked pot once in a blue moon here or there. Maybe 3 times since 2008. But to actually have some and to keep it in house where son is way out there for her. She also drinks more than she ever did as well. She was 22 when we got married and 24 when son was born. I think she is thinking she missed out on some things. Interesting part is we did get into R talk. I asked her about MC appt on 5/7 which I shouldn't have an she said to keep the appt and we'll douse after the show. She also said that she realizes that there is a lot of work award of us if we commit to work on marriage. She said, "have I ever fully committed to doing that" I said no. She said that's what she is confused about. If she decides to work on M she wants to fully commit to do that. I just said, I want to try to make it work. I told her I'm not sure if I want it to work or if it can. I told her I feel as confused as she is now and let's just not discuss anymore till after her horse show is over
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Btw, I've decided one of the ways I'm going to keep myself distracted while she is at show with OM is to reread DR
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Just a thought here cbtdad... You seem to be hinging a lot on if W goes to MC on 5/7. What if you, when she got back just waited to see what happens on its own. What if you were poised and cool, just doing your own thing and let your W come to you with any talks. What if you were to not bring up OM or R talks. What if you didn't go to MC, yet.
I ask these questions, as to me it feel s like the MC at this point, with your mindset may be an ultimatum and idk, but I don't trust MC to be pro M.
Just my thoughts. Take them or leave them.
Thanks for your support and keep busy this week!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP, I appreciate your thoughts and they are spot on for what I plan to do when she gets back. Over these next 10 days the only contact I will have with her is text about son. I am fine either way if we make it to MC or not. If we do not your list is exactly what I plan to do. Drop all R and MC talk. I won't discuss anything with her other son at that point. I feel great about that. I just know I have to keep busy during these next 10 days to keep "OM thoughts" out of my head. I've heard horror stories about MC's, but fortunately that's not the case for ours. W and I saw her once I beginning of year. W really liked her and knows that she is very pro marriage. The first time she saw us she suggested we separate for a few months and then come back and see her if we decide to work on things. She wouldn't even move forward with seeing us if it wasnt to work on marriage. She does EFT couples therapy which I've read has over a 75% success rate. So if we do go W knows its to talk about moving forward with us. If we don't go then that ok as well. I will continue to work on me and only discuss son things with wife. Here is what plans are to stay busy over next 10 days: 1. Reread DR 2. Spend lots of QT with son since I will have him majority of time. He is going with her Sunday night thru Wed morning 3. Work and workout 4. Next weekend going to cousins house with son for the weekend were will bbq and swim and stay busy!
I don't see 5/7 as all or nothing date. I guess it's just a temp check date. We shall see
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Glad you have a pro M MC. Keep busy and enjoy your time with son! I hope this time will be easier that you anticipate. For me the longer I go without seeing W, the easier it gets. Every time I see her I slip back into my thoughts of her more. Keep posting, your on my mind.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks JP, I too do better when I withdraw and don't see W. I know these first couple of days are going to be the hardest. I really don't know if I can handle MC with her anyways. All she seems to do is lie now. How can I trust anything she is saying even if we go to MC. That's why I have a lot of thinking to do over the next week or so. I need to decide if I can trust her or not right now. She tells me things with OM are done and she is not pursuing, but I know that she is lying. A friend of mind that rides horses with her spilled everything to me and it [censored] to hear because I look at my W and wonder how this person can bold face lie to me about it. I also don't get why she keeps lying and then says to keep MC appointment and we will discuss when she gets back. All I can think of is that she wants to see how things play out with her and OM over the next 10 days or that she doesn't want to rock the boat before or during this show. I am betting man and I would bet pretty good odds that when she returns next Sunday that she says she doesn't want to go to MC now. Problem being if she says she still wants to go, how do I trust her? I am so confused as to what I want at this point. She is such a different person now that I fell in love with and married. Why do I want to try and make this work still sometimes? Other times I feel like I'm completely done with her. All I want is the truth!! If she wants to pursue someone else or not work on marriage then just tell me so!!! It's the limbo and the having one foot in and one foot out that is killing me and driving me crazy! Sorry for the rant, just needed to get some of this out
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
This is a good place to rant! What I hear is that you are torn, hurt and scared. That you are putting a lot of focus on your W. My suggestion would be to find a way to take the focus of your W and M and focus on you and your son. Believe me I know how you feel and I know that letting it run over in your mind will make you crazy. I too have wanted to just say give me a darn answer, but I am so happy I never did that as I know I would regret saying it. Remember limbo is your time for you to work on you, not to worry about W or R. I think I posted this on your thread before, but I have it taped to my computer at work to look at.
"Here's the thing. Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can, ;-)" Posted by, uRworthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
