Confused about what I want

[job]

If you give him anything, give him just a key...do not give him the alarm code. If you do decide to do so, change it the minute he's gone. The reason that I am saying that is because some of them do come back to the house and take whatever they want and I know of two cases where the mlcer came back and took all of the furniture and left her with nothing but her clothes piled in the floor and curtains at the windows I'm not trying to scare you, but he's not operating with a full deck today.

Something must be going on that he needs his papers as of right now. I wonder what he needs that is so all far urgent that he can't wait until you get home.

I'd let him call the cops and have them see just how screwy he is. When they see that you are very calm and rational and have been very accommodating, they'll get his number and know he's the nuts in the fruitcake. I've been down that road.

You need more than a nap. Something is definitely going on w/him to act out this badly. Please be careful when dealing w/him right now.

[BRNR]

If you give him anything, give him just a key...do not give him the alarm code.

I actually didn't change the locks, so he technically already has the key...but I did change the alarm code already...

Something must be going on that he needs his papers as of right now. I wonder what he needs that is so all far urgent that he can't wait until you get home.

He asked for his birth certificate and his social security card, which I told him he could have no problems and I would have them for him in the morning. He also asked for the other things that were his (nothing specified), but there isn't much but some insurance policy info, etc. I actually slipped and asked why he needed those things now (wanted him to give me a good reason that I had to be so accomodating-I know bad girl)...he wouldn't tell me, and I didn't really push once I slipped. But I was thinking the same thing too. What the h3ll is going on???

I'd let him call the cops and have them see just how screwy he is. When they see that you are very calm and rational and have been very accommodating, they'll get his number and know he's the nuts in the fruitcake. I've been down that road.

I didn't fight him on this...was actually going to let him call.

You need more than a nap. Something is definitely going on w/him to act out this badly. Please be careful when dealing w/him right now.

Yeah, I think something may be going on too...but since this is the MLC H, who knows. I have many ideas, but really just hope he doesn't do anything stupid. I have the kids tonight so hopefully he is simmered down by morning...

[job]

Sounds like he needs them for proof of citizenship. Maybe he's planning to take a trip and needs them. But, then again, they do ask for some of the craziest things at the craziest times.

Please take care of yourself.

[BRNR]

I think he just felt as if I took them. Honestly, I went to the safety deposit box a few weeks ago and took my things out and left his. Just a few days ago the bill came in to renew and it was in both our names, and in knowing I emptied my stuff out I left the bill for him in his mail pile. I think at the moment he was reminded of it and decided he had the opportunity to go down and get his stuff. When he initially called, he almost made it sound as if I took them. Maybe he thinks I will copy everything prior to giving it to him....which I will.

[job]

There is no rhyme or reason for some of the things that they do or think. You may be correct in the fact that he saw the notice and then had a snit about it when it couldn't find the papers. Time will tell.

In the meantime, take care of yourself and do not allow him to bully you into doing something that you don't want to do. I threatens to call the cops, let him, do not argue w/him. As you saw, he backed down when he saw you weren't getting nasty with him earlier today.

[BRNR]

Hi Snodderly (and everyone for that matter) -

Yesterday's event simmered down by the end of the night. I have to admit I panicked a little after your comments on my thread, thinking the worst of all worst. But, I got over it pretty quickly and acted like it never had happened.

I took the boys to the doctors yesterday for annual physicals and afterwards just sent H an email advising of the visit and the boys health status. He seemed okay and responded to the email rather quickly with a lot of questions. In a good way I was glad, because it showed some care and concern for the boys at least. I didn't respond to the email/questions until this morning as I had other things to take care (truly) and was exhausted with the long day I had and H's antics with the phone calls. By the way the boys are good and the doctor even commented how the boys come from "good stock". Funny thing was despite my boys being very healthy kids, and not needing to go to the doctors often, the doctor noticed that H wasn't there and asked where he was and how he was doing and all. Awkward moment, but I just replied he was doing well.

So, H called very late last night to talk to the boys, but unfortunately, the boys were already in bed. I picked up the phone, and briefly told him they were, but that I would go see if they were still awake. He seemed okay and not angry and said it was fine and not to wake them. I asked if he was sure and he said it was no problem, just tell them that I called in the morning, (Which I did).

So this morning rolled around and H came to pick up the boys as usual. NO spew, NO demands for the key or code. Nothing. I even told him to have a nice day today, which he half smiled and said you too.

Wheww! I wasn't prepared for a showdown this morning, and it was a good thing that he didn't start one.

So final thoughts for the day.

I can do this! I can be the best me to hopefully one day have the life I was meant to have with or without H. I am capable of being a strong, independent woman. I am strong enough to be a single mother, and capable of giving my children the love and care they need. I believe deep down that MY husband is still in there, and I do get a lot of glimpses of him at times. I can and will show some compassion to my H, and hope that he will overcome his pain.

I don't know what else to say. It seems that with every new day, I wake up with these new emotional epiphanies, and I am actually thankful for them. I am thankful for a lot these days.

Hope everyone does see these things in their own sitches. WE all will be okay, if not better than okay, with or without our spouses. I try to remind myself of that often.

[job]

I'm glad he settled down. I thought he might after his temper tantrum. Like a child, he thought you had taken his stuff w/o telling him. It's interesting that he wasn't concerned about the papers until it was time to pay the rental fee once again. It's all about control and he threw a huge hissy fit. When they feel like they are being cornered, they will come out swinging, which he did. They'll try to bully you, threaten you, etc. Been down that road myself.

Glad to read he came and picked up the boys. I'm sure he appreciated your call about the boys and their physicals. Yes, the h you knew is still buried very deep within him. Some day, that inner child will grow up and the h you knew will emerge...the question will be...is he the same, new and improved or someone totally different. Time will tell on that one. (No need to panic.)

Keep the focus on you and your little ones. Today is a new day, enjoy it as much as you can.

[BRNR]

Question for LBS With kids (or others if they have any experience to offer)

My S9 has been acting up in school that warranted a phone call from his teacher. Unfortunately the teacher called H, so I am awaiting a return phone call from the teacher myself. I can only assume it is in regards to this separation. I feel I have done as much as I can to get them comfortable and open about what is going on. H does not want to participate and wants me to "handle" things. Not sure what more I can do about it other than therapy which I cannot afford to do, and H disagrees with, so will not help with the expense. Also, if I do get them into therapy the only time I can take them is when H has them...with him in so much dis-agreement of it, I know he will not take them or allow me to take them on his time. What do I do? Do I let it run its course until I am in a better position to do so? Do I try to get H to see the light? I will be honest and say that I stopped openly asking the kids about their feelings on things about a month ago as the pain I saw my children going through seemed tortuous on them and myself and I never really had answers to provide to thier questions (or ones that I wanted to give them). Maybe the answer is to openly talk to them again and let the emotions, pain, hurt, anger and all run its course. I just didn't want to push the kids into feeling any kind of way and thought they should follow their own path.

So emotional this morning...my boys are my everything. What can I do?

[job]

I have several schools of thought on this. 1) talk to the school guidance counselor about the situation. The school guidance counsel and/or nurse may be able to offer you some suggestions as to how to handle the situation or even suggest places that have little or not cost. 2) Do you have a minister and/or priest that you feel comfortable w/in discussing the situation and then they can make themselves available to chat w/him. 3) Is your son close to a coach or some male friend of the family? It sounds like your son needs to be talking to someone and maybe that someone should be someone other than you or his father. He may feel emotionally divided and doesn't want to make either of angry.

You can speak to your h about it, but I don't think he'll see the light on this because in the mlcer's mind, the kids are fine and will bounce back w/o any problem.

Just my two cents.

[job]

One more suggestion...check w/your health insurance company. They may cover some of the fee.