H screamed at me... do you think I takes this lightly, my gut gets wrenched over this, I know how wrong I am, I just can't care or I will not have the energy to work in this rotten econ. I need to stay bad, I'm not really doing anything too bad, I'm just being an as$hole, do I have to stay w/you forever, I just want my freedom to make the money and not have to answer to you about not coming home if I'm too tired to drive, but I'm too old, yes, I deal w your pain and it makes me consider. I don't want to consider!
He said it is better to live life alone! He's never lived alone, how would he know? He said he never understood M, and it's boundaries, why can't M people have friends, what is a W. Being home is his failure in his face everyday, and seeing me deal w/the fallout is pissing him off more. Snodderly, you said having the MLCer home is hard, yes, it makes the journey all that much longer I think.
We are a constante reminder of his failure, and he is working himself to the point of collapse. I think it's so he doesn't have to be home and see, he says it's for the money and to fight back at society trying to bring him down. He drank 5 asprins today as he was bending down w/chest pains, I slowly went to him balled up on my bed, he said he wants to do this alone, he hopes he dies from this. People w/death wishes don't take aspirin!
''''When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.'''''
I have read this many times today to get through...I have gone shopping, to the bank, made dinner and now everyones gone to work, or class, and I have this site where all of you are supportive and understanding. When I first met Nero she used to say we should think like the little train...I think I can, I think I can!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
