Grrrrrrrr. Just feeling down, bitter, resentful, hurt, angry etc. no real specific reason except for just this sitch I find myself in. Just looking at the logistics of getting a D. For both of us, loss of time with our kids, loss of lots of money, being lonely, loss of "stuff", starting over. It all just $UCKS!!
W starts new job next week and has already asked me to take off work early 2 days. I did and said nothing about it however if she thinks that this is how it's going to be when she moves out then she better think again. Yes I am bitter and resentful right now. But ole Grizz has had a happy face on for the past week (like I said I would) and just pretending that I am fine with it all. I am afraid though when she moves out and files then I will just let it fly. I am better than that, I just hope that I can prove to myself that I am better than that.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
FY, I didn't see your post until I just posted my previous response. How "funny" is that? It did seem like I was doing well but not today. Thanks anyway for the kind words and for checking in. Hopefully this will pass soon.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Grizz. Thanks for stopping by and the support, it is appreciated!
Not much to offer other than breathe and find something to expend your energy on! When I get spinning in my head it isn't good and I am learning to breathe, focus on my breathing to calm myself or go scream until my energy is gone.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
So W just comes in and says "does it matter if I find a place close to here or across town?" Me: I don't guess, why? W: I just thought if I was close then the kids would ask to go back and forth.
Me: I don't know. That is your decision. I think the kids are going to ask to see mom or dad no matter where you live. If we didnt live close it would be easier for us to say no, they live too far away.
W: I am thinking about moving across town (15-20 minute drive). But tell me if you are going to sell the house because I would like to keep it.
Me: If I sell it, it will be because I can't afford it so I'm not sure how you could. (She makes less than me).
W: interests rates are good right now. It wouldn't be much more than rent.
Me: if I refinance it to give you your equity then it would go up around $300 per month. That's alot different.
W: well I don't know.
Me: how do you feel about all of this? W: I don't know.
Me: so you are leaving as soon as you find a place. W: we talked about this two weeks ago (yes)
W: we can talk more about this later after I look at a few other places this weekend. Me: ok
There was some more but these were the main points. It was a very cordial and non confrontational discussion.
It amazes me how matter of fact she is when discussing the kids. She shows no emotion at all. This will absolutely kill my 8 year old especially. It breaks my heart to know what they are going to go through.
I wanted to say soooo much to her during this conversation but I didn't. I just want to scream!!!
She had been so nice, friendly and open over the past 2 weeks. Probably because she has told me she is leaving and it is out in the open. Like today, she sent me a text of a picture of her lunch. She was eating at one of our favorite places. Why do that? You are cutting ties with me so just freakin cut them. Why act like we are great friends? She has said that she wants to be friends but really, is that possible? Right now my feelings are that when she leaves then I want to see and hear the least amount possible from her.
Isn't it sweet of her to want my opinion on where she should live (sarcasm). And isn't it nice for her to reassure me that I can afford to keep the house because she doesn't want the kids to lose their home?
She frustrates me to the end of the earth!
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
Even in your 10:21 post you sound really grounded. You are doing well Grizz.
Your W will never be happy until she gets this living on her own thing out of her system. Let her go and let the reality stick do its job.
My youngest sister moved out on her H for a full year. She talked and/or did things with him almost every day, and as far as we know, was never involved in an affair. A few weeks ago she moved back home. The lesson here is that once they get to the point your W is at, they MUST give living on their own a whirl, in order for them to see the grass isn't greener on the other side after all. Also that there is still hope.
Get comfortable in the reality of your new life Grizz, this may take a while.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I'm right smack in the middle of some similar stuff so I'm going to just pass on what I've been told...
Originally Posted By: Grizz
It amazes me how matter of fact she is when discussing the kids. She shows no emotion at all. This will absolutely kill my 8 year old especially. It breaks my heart to know what they are going to go through.
Kids are more resilient than you think they are...as long as they have someone stable to grab on to during the storm. You have to be the rock. You won't agree with everything your W does, or how she acts with kids but unless they're in danger you can't be papa bear all the time. What you HAVE to do is be there for them whenever they need it. You also HAVE to show them you are strong and stable and no matter what happens in life they have to know that they can count on you.
Originally Posted By: Grizz
She frustrates me to the end of the earth!
You're letting her. She (hopefully) isn't doing anything to hurt you or the kids on purpose, she's doing what she feels is best for her right now. You have to figure out a way to remove yourself from this and protect your kids from expectations that could cause them hurt.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
