New to this ...

[steveh27]

Bomb dropped a couple weeks ago - 4/8. My Wife asked that we should think about trying a separation. I have issues with controlling (the basic always needing to know everything) based on fear and anxiety that I really didn't understand why until recently. I always thought I was smart enough to figure it out and always said I would stop, even said I would get help but again always thought I could fix it myself.

Now I am spinning trying to figure out next steps and just barely breathing through this. Wife basically turned off all emotion after this day and put up the walls that seems nothing can pass through. I did start seeing a therapist about my personal issues and also decided to talk with a LMRT as well to figure out things and hopefully can convince the W to do as well. She said she has not moved forward at all legally, but I also know there is no change in her behavior. I did the standard pleading and begging for another chance. What is unfortunate is an event like this is something that can set you straight, but sometimes it just seems too late. I don't know if this salvageable. I've asked for some time, and I got kind of a "I'm not doing anything right now". Which I believe could be for my benefit to let me settle into it a bit, I don't know. My confidence is low, my general demeanor is defeated and she sees it. I am reading the DR but only a couple chapters in, but I understand the DB'ing rules and GAL. Right now, money and time are tight. Running the kids to their events. Having a hard time with sandi's rules of detaching ... I know somehow I have to just to give the air of confidence even though it's hard. There is no OM, she has a couple of close friends for support, and I have support from my family since they know.

It's hard for me to gauge her intentions right now. We sleep in the same bed, as we haven't said anything to the kids yet, but its like sleeping with a stranger. It's excruciating having to still handle everyday life, like work and kids and their events without going insane or having a constant pit in your stomach. I am trying to do as much work around the house to keep me busy, it is being seen as trying to hard as she said, but it keeps me busy, and I feel like I'm trying to lift a burden at the same time. I am trying to hard ... I know. Anyway - this was a vent for me that lately sometimes helps as I've tried to journal through this also. Nice to read everyone's personal trials also - it helps.