MLC step by step...what's next?

[job]

Good luck today. Weddings can be extremely difficult when you are in the early stages of the crisis. Try to enjoy the day and remember, God has a way of working things out...we just don't know what he has planned for us and when the plan will take effect.

People mean well when they say things like you'll get over it, etc. Until they've walked a mile in your shoes, they will never understand what you are going through as this is not a normal break up...mlc is like the energizer bunny...it keeps on going and going and going.

Hang in there!

[Lilith]

It actually started well yesterday at the wedding...He picked us up (me and S) and went together. He looks georgeous...We complimented each other... he's been at my side most of the time (in the beginning) until the party/dancing started. He didn't ask me to dance, (instead he danced with his sister)...and I felt so alone while everyone danced with their partners; my heart was breaking; thank God my S rescued me. H joined us while me and S were dancing a fast number.

There were moments too that both of us were all left alone at the table while everyone was having fun dancing. He became very silent then and very distant. I had to bite my tongue when relatives, family friends asked me how I am doing and just pretend I am doing fine. Driving home was a complete silence too...maybe we were all very tired then.

[Lilith]

This morning @work:
He seems friendly and offered me coffee (he always does), not a word about the wedding events. I complimented him about his tan color and told me that he's been tanning all day yesterday.

When he left (again) early at work today, he kissed me goodbye though (on the cheek)which he had stopped awhile ago.
On the otherhand I suspect OW is waiting in his appartment..I'm not sure, but who cares!...ahhhgrrr! I do!!!
Gosssh! how can I stop thinking about it!...hELP!

[Cadet]

how can I stop thinking about it!...hELP!

As far as giving the present, it was not a huge mistake so just let it go.

You stop thinking about it by focusing on other parts of your life and worring about YOU and not him.

Start small and work forward from there.

I know that it is hard at first but if you keep working on it, things will get better.

Some people try a rubber band or stop sign method.

If you are thinking about something you should not be thinking about then you snap the rubber band around your wrist.

Keep working at it.

[MissAgnes]

Hi Lilith,

Don't worry too much about the mistakes you think you make.

Pick yourself up and start fresh tomorrow.


You've made it through the wedding. It was hard, but you did it.

You'll make it through other events one day at a time.

Some other ideas about diverting your mind -- work on a puzzle, talk to an "in real life" friend, go to a movie. My all time favorite is to go for a walk. What are your favorite hobbies?

[Lilith]

Thank you Cadet and MissA for your clever advice!!!

"Some people try a rubber band or stop sign method.
If you are thinking about something you should not be thinking about then you snap the rubber band around your wrist.

Hmmm! That's something I'm going to give it a try... wearing a rubber band around my wrist

Some other ideas about diverting your mind -- work on a puzzle, talk to an "in real life" friend, go to a movie. My all time favorite is to go for a walk. What are your favorite hobbies?"

Yes I do all those stuff (except puzzle). I am actually GALing as much as I can. Go to a movie or tea time with friends. I love to run/jog (I run 5km. 3 times a week). I recently enrolled Salsa dance and do zumba as well.
I can focus on myself when I am not at work or when I don't see H ...but when I do, I tend to analyze everything he does, his actions etc. and it makes me paranoide.

[makingmagic]

Hi Lilith, you are not alone... I too obsess over everything he says & does and it makes me paranoid too. ((HUGS))

[makingmagic]

ohh... one thing to add, I co-own a business with my h too. Makes it very difficult! I used to drag my tail between my legs after each goodbye. Yes, its super sad. I am greatful that there isn't OP involved. I am greatful for the occasional coffee too. He is just so work focused!

[Cadet]

I can focus on myself when I am not at work or when I don't see H ...but when I do, I tend to analyze everything he does, his actions etc. and it makes me paranoide.

Think of it like you are baking a cake and it needs to stay in the oven for so much time.(Lets say 2 hours)

If every 5 minutes you go and open the door to check to see if its done, do you think your cake will be successful?

If you take it out and try to eat it after 30 mins, how will it taste.


OK now your husband is the cake and the cooking time is years.
Stop checking him. He is not done yet!

[Raine]

It takes time. Time for them, and time for us to even start to heal. I am often reminded of the quote from Sleepless in Seattle:

"I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while."

It gets better. Every day you choose to live for yourself, it gets better. I made a decision early on to not wallow in what I have no control over and get busy living life. And I have bad days. We all do. Don't be hard on yourself when you have them.