LBS-still hauling-3rd lap

[Dm45]

So going on 7 days no contact.
Had C on Tuesday. Explored why I worry or ruminate so much. My answer was its the only thing I come up with to "do". Although I have had some hours lately where I'm not worrying or ruminating. But also have had times of panic, grief, rage. Worse than when we were seeing each other every week. We discussed that the worrying is not doing anything productive. Wondering if my times of calm are not times of calm but burying the emotions only to compound later.

I worked an overnight, and just woke up 30 minutes ago with the anxiety feeling in my stomach. I don't know what this long stretch of no contact "means".

I want to contact W, and am afraid to. Struggling to accept that this long break can help.