If you think back to reading DB/DR, Michelle points out that therapists are trying to help you feel better, not restore your marriage.
Exactly. Most therapists are just professional validators. It's funny because once you know what validation is, when you sit in a therapy session you just shake your head when you realize that it's ALL that most therapists do. They just sit there listening, nodding, asking you how you feel about that, asking you to explore your feelings, etc. They mostly tell you what you want to hear by mirroring back what you're saying.
Chris, here's what your therapist told you:
"My therapist worries that it may be more of here's examples of you failing, and it won't be productive, just hurtful for me. She worries that my W has not stated any goal for her in having the conversation...."
And here is what you posted to us:
"I have to be completely honest here. My W has already made me(or at least i feel) feel that everything wrong in this is my fault, and from her side that maybe it is, and that's natural. But, I don't know if I can mentally and emotionally take this conversation...I'm already carrying HUGE guilt from everything she has said that it has cost me my family."
Don't you see, your therapist is just mirroring your thoughts back to you. That's all she's doing. You don't want to have the convo with W, so she's just telling you exactly what you want to hear. She's validating your feelings. Here's the problem, that MAY NOT be what's optimal for your W and your M. And that's where we come in, we will sling the 2x4's at you that your therapist never will.
