Thx B. I am going to try to work a conversation in at the right time. So I don't come across to strong or catch her off guard. I am admitting that the last few months I avoided this in my efforts to keep things on track.
Not good B. yes hiding phone again and when I approached her last night she said she felt smothered and brought something up from 5 weeks ago and something I said on our trip. I talked with 25 extensive about it. My w is not stable. When I asked y you wait 5 weeks she had excuses. Microscope with negative lense. It is unreal. I told her that I thought our communication was poor.
I'm at a lost to be honest. Things were firing on all pistons . I truly suspect ea with that clown . I don't know if I can DB again
Ok so I have more time to write about what she said last night. About 5 or 6 weeks ago she made plans for the summer to go to a concert with 2 of her girlfriends. When she bought the tickets I made a comment something like "I'll be down vacation house with kids etc.." Later in the same day I made the same comment at a party and she snapped at me about it. I didn't think anything about it accept maybe I was annoying. She told me last night when I approached her that is my same old behavior. She can't even make plans without me saying something. I told her I was sorry that I made her feel that way but the reality is I am pumped she is going. She even got mad at that comment. saying why can't you just say nothing or don't say your excited for me.
The conversation didn't escalate but it went no where. She said she isn't attracted to a person that acts like this. Now maybe my comment were ANNOYING they certainly weren't controlling. I mean I paid for the tickets and never told her not to go. Maybe my guilt comments just pissed her off but I don't understand how this sets us back to square 1. She is acting like she was before. Her exact words were "I feel about you like I did before"
I tried to bring up that we need to address problems when they happen. Not 6 weeks later. Why fester. How is that healthy relationship. She had an excuse for that too. Something along the lines of I would bring it up but I know your answer already.
This is same W that told me just weeks ago even after the incident that I've changed. We literally just got back from vacation less then a week ago. I feel totally blindsided by this.
She also said that her neighbor friend asked her if I was mad if she was going to the concert. Further justfying her thoughts about me. I said you ever think she thought that because you snapped at my comment in front of her.
I tried talking to her briefly before work but after about 1 minute I saw it going nowhere.
I'm exhausted and frustrated beyond belief. I even asked her about going to counseling to work on communication amongst us. That most relationships fail because of lack of communication. I mean I don't mind her being upset for a few days or so but if this turns into the cold shoulder, no sex, silent treatment crap again I don't think I can pull it off again. Just being honest. I know I am emotional right now so I'll treat this post as a journal. Like how I journal in real life.
I did own my passive/aggressive comment. I apologized but she kept saying "I don't want to get apology every time" That you don't even know you do it. I asked how am I going to know that your upset without you telling me.
oh geez PON, sorry to hear all this is happening for you. You are in my thoughts. I have read above, but don't understand why she is mad... strange. Can you both just let it go? Can you ask her that? Go try and be upbeat around her & have more fun, like you were having.
((HUGS)), wfm
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I let it go this morning. I asked if she could tell me right away that the issue is dropped. There is quite a long history in my sitch you don't know especially around my W and hormones. It has been very hard on me in many ways. I don't believe what I said was controlling or all that bad. She does and won't listen to my point a view even after I validated her. When I try to explain myself in any manner she states I'm trying to manipulate her. Yes I now have to try to detach from the sitch. I've been getting offline support through my EE folks. WFM this why I always say DB is lifetime approach. I thought I was in piecing and now i'm thinking I was in the doorway to piecing and never made it in. My W won't do counseling and she uses me to blame her emotions on. In the grand scheme of things the statements I said werent terrible "I will be down the vacation house with the kids.. " I guess it was my tone and how it made her felt. Smothered. So I validated that and told her that wasn't my intention.
I have a terrible time detaching. So for now I'm trying to schedule some GAL efforts outside of coaching my S's team etc.
