After phone coaching session #2

[reb9597]

Is D learning to be like you? Please don't take that as a cut, just something to think about.

ROFL! I've considered this many times recently and it's scary! The twilight music has been going off in my head for the last few months with this realization. It's a terrifying awakening when you see your kids have many of the same skills and tendencies you had (positive, but also negative), and hoping they'll use their powers for good and not evil.

I actually talked to my IC about this because poor kids were raised by the stressed out bad version of me with no self awareness. I can only do my best to model a better life and I talk to them about it all the time. I tell them they have the advantage to learn this in their teens! Not in their 40s!

Thanks for the reminder of H's LL, which is equal physical touch & acts of service. He's worked so hard for us out of love. And he loves his kids dearly and if d18 says she wants to go to most expensive school, H buckles down and will pay for it. Just lilke when I said I wanted to do this or that, he'd provide. We've been caught in this cycle for so long though and I don't know how to get out of it. Old me ranted or sulked and tried to make him feel bad about being gone so much. New me tries to understand his LL motivation & tries to teach kids to understand too. Then add in all the DB rules about no pursuing and no pressure, really makes me feel like I don't know where to step sometimes.

But d18's attitude that he doesn't have (or deserve) an opinion is totally from old me. I'll take one more stab at it with her to try to soften her thinking. It's still so hard to accept that H's monetary contribution is equal in effort or intent to the day in day out parenting that I do! I still struggle in this regard. And it's mind blowing to comprehend that he could be thinking the same about me. All I have to do is be there for kids, while he's out providing for the family. Ouch! Hurts either way. Better to understand than to react to the bad feelings though.