All I can say and this is the truth, in this moment, today, is that I'm very happy to be me.

As some of you know, I had the feeling that my brother's death was going to have an impact on my view of my sitch and it has. I can't draw a line between 2 points to explain it but it's there.

We hear from the beginning how we can only control/change ourselves. I now really get that. For a long time I've been changing myself but always with an eye on H, was he seeing it, was he getting it, was he changing? I was looking to him for how I should change and be. (Mach, thanks for reminding me of this a few (hundred) times)

As I change it has a ripple effect on those around me like a canoe moving through the water. Some will be drawn to me as I move by them, others will float away.

As long as I float by being my authentic, vulnerable, soft self and acting with dignity, honor and grace I will be OK.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss