first time(&last) & still need help

[albamarie]

NEro-

Your doing well, your thinking hence the excitement, your thinking about a more realistic future w/o H, you should be. He has been honest w/you as well. Short, but to the point he has said, I'm not a R guy the way you need, he also said in there, ow is not leaving my life within the near future, she will remain my sidekick.

I too get it, my M is over, it's what has me making sure I have revisited every effort, every avenue, go crazy, before it is truly over. I only just got that about myself reading you do the same thing, we're going for that last ditch effort and now we see!

I suggest letting your h do what he has to do on his visit, fix, clean, even visit your mom, but by your actions and if you have to say it let him know he is not there for you personally. Your not a couple! I am all or nothing as well, but we can't have either right now, so we just have to act as if I guess.

I'm not going to pretent, laugh at a joke, smile because he's looking, but I am going to treat him as the UPS guy and say hello pleasant and true to myself. What H does will seep into me as I come across info, but I will have to remind myself everyday He's a smoking, stinky, ignorant, self centered, as$, and I deserve more so let it go.

Hard, HELL ya, but maybe if I can start it, I will get it, like smiling when your sad and now your not sad anymore. I already do look at him like, eeww who are you, what is wrong w/me your not coming back.

I am in L w/a memory. Just watched Practical Magic, maybe I should make a brew and dance under the moon light while purring the brew over all of his personals.