You are not being harsh at all. I appreciate and am grateful for all perspectives.
Originally Posted By: BRNR
Portia, first off Good morning and glad to hear that you are at least trying to do the right things with not contacting him and all. I know it is hard, but believe that it is the right thing to do.
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Besides, if things are ramping up with the GF again, since her divorce may be finalized soon, it might be best if I do not hear from him.
It might be? Why do you question this. I struggled with the no contact as well, but realized it is more than just the right thing. For me, I just keep reminding myself that even if H were to return to me I would not want to be second to any other female in his life. The fact that my H hasn't even put me in the top ten helps me with this. I reflect and see how important we make our spouses/s.o.'s. Don't we want to be important to them too? I do, and the fact that I am not, keeps me at bay so to speak.
This ^^ gave me something to think about. Why do I question the NC? Is that the right thing in my situation? There is no one-size-fits-all. In my situation, we are very far apart physically. There are no more financial entanglements nor are there children that keep us in forced daily contact or in forced contact at all. In those situations, at the very least, people have some contact and it can be natural to build more - i.e. staying longer, lingering. Being so far away I think calls for some different stategies to keep the door slightly ajar while I move on with my life. It will take one of us, I think, to maintain some small contacts to leave the door open for the possibility of larger ones because if too much time goes by, making contact at all gets even harder to do - for both of us.
Do I want him as he is right now? NO. But I do have some compassion for his situation even if he has none right now for mine. I am going to be fine, he probably won't be if he continues on this path that he is on. I cannot do anything about his path except to simply remind him, however softly that there are other options.
BTW - I really only thought to send a funny e-mail joke or something like that, nothing personal or heavy.
That is my thinking, anyway. I would love to hear other takes on this.
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When/if the time is right, he will call or contact you. The fact that you have a countdown going on tells me you need more work on detachment.
I hope that he does. And yes, AGREED!! I am not detached as much as I would like. Little by little, but not there yet.
