Yes, H is paying for college. I talked to d18 about subject last night and suggested she clue H is a little more. She said that H doesn't care where she chooses & showed me text where she told him she registered for dorm placement (I paid deposit). He replied YAY.
The school she chose and admittedly has the best program for what she wants to do, is the most expensive. I'd like for her to consider the state schools she was accepted at but she's pretty determined and I'm the only parental opinion weighing in.
I'm letting it go I guess. H thinks if there is anything that's needed from him, I'd let him know. Or d18 would let him know. I can't make him show interest beyond that. But it mirrors our old dynamic that I don't want and I don't know how to break the cycle! I handle everything and all the worrying and big decisions, he works like a madman to pay for it. It was like in every aspect of our life. I planned all the vacations, all decisions with dds, everything. All he had to do was work. And he loves his work, so I deeply resented it. I tried to draw him out a few weeks ago about college decisions when we were doing taxes, but that translated to him feeling overburdened about the expense and feeling like he has to work too much again. I thought there was a breakthrough when he said he was going to cut back on his schedule, but that didn't last. I don't know how to navigate this. And in reality, there's nothing for me to navigate in my current situation. I don't have a H, I have a paycheck.
But then it gets around to what azguy said, has H done the best with what he's emotionally able to contribute? Yes, truly he doesn't know it could be any other way. And what's worse, we've been together for so long, I can see the evolution in our M to see how he became this way. I used to be able to convince (bully) him into another perspective but not anymore!
Thank you, what you wrote really helped me pull back from the self righteous ledge. I get that way in the mornings for some reason... afternoons are better. Anyone else have a certain time of day that is harder to get through?
We have another appt with MC next week and another scheduled for two weeks after that. It just worked out that way, where MC was gone this week & H is going on trip with his mom the following week. So after the next two appts I'm hoping we can get on a weekly schedule.
