So I was asked by another member to share a little more about my situation so Ill share a little more and if there are more questions....fire.

The problem with our relationship was simple. We didn't take care of us. We took really good care of the kids and.we.did a lot of fun things but we rarely left the kids to do stuff for us.

4kids later...time passes..intimacy is pretty much non existant...she starts spending most of her time with her twin...who is very unhappy and tries to mess with our relationship....whom I have to do a lot of man things and help be the father fig of her 3 kids...wife stays at home and as much of a blessing as that is...its also problematic. She starts trying to make herself happy by shopping a lot..bought fake boobs without discussing it with me until the preop appointment...Sister starts encouraging wife to stay out at bars and stay the night at their dads house...kind of like a small midlife crisis I guess.

I know there is not another man. Smaller community. I am well known. Her dad says everything is fine. But I drew a line and will not accept this type of stuff. I am fine with her trying to figure out what she wants to do but I wont go through the drinking and staying out all night. There is a healthy less destructive way to figure things out.

Then this text bs happens..She blows up...and kicks.me out for a week. I went home at the end of the week. I wasn't invited and that was made very clear when I got back. I have a little bit of a life...as much as I can handle without interfering with family. I just kept doing what I do. Go to the gym.work.come home and take care of kid stuff. After the kids were in bed I would read stuff here and other stuff. I took the next 5 weeks to really evaluate myself and figure out how I could do things better. I also created a strategy that I think will work and if it doesn't I can adjust or at least say I gave it my best. I also figured out what I was willing to deal with and what I wasn't.

I left.my wife alone about this more than I usually would..during this time I displayed the changes that I needed to make when I had the chance. Never brought up the change...just did it. After 5 weeks of doing this and making sure that when we were together we had fun and I didn't bring our problems up...I saw the right.moment and went for it. I asked about our relationship...we talked during ar which time I made sure I didn't bring anything up about.me nor did I try to defend myself and I validated her feelings. That night I slept in bed with her and the next day her ring was back on.

Yesterday was my first big challenge... Her sister was at.my house in the am and she was talking crap about.me to my wife. They didn't know I was home. When I could I grabbed.my wallet and left. Wife called. Told her I would be home soon to talk...got home and expressed how I felt in a good way
..she freaked out and I remained calm....She ended up apologizing. Change stuck for that day!!

So here is my strategy... stay focused on improving myself... when opportunities to present changes as us or we as a subtle hint I will. If she changes some things...awesome....if not. I guess i have some things to figure out. I know what I am willing to deal with and what I am not....

I'm pretty positive about us. She is a good person and we love eachother. I'm not afraid to try stuff. Research...try again... she is very strong willed too. Just need to stay focused on us..make sure I make time for us abed see what happens!