we're robots here too. i miss having a life where i could be free & myself with everyone. my h cannot be himself - ow is there between us ALWAYS like a giant wall. like yours - if he thinks it's not- he's crazy. he cannot see tho that he is not able to be who he was. he thinks it's all "as usual" i guess. talk about deluding oneself? i did it with him - trusting thru the lies & wierdness. now he's doing it to himself.
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Its a relationship built on lies and mistrust and sneaking around. How can that end good?
honestly- i scratch my head. all i can figure is they need a "boost" and this illicit affair gives it. what it means? anyone's guess. my h- if i'm honest - if i deliver ultimatum i'd say he'll choose her rite now- tra la off and just plug her into my life instead of me. (like buying a new car or microwave) shabby outlook- I have no confidence that alllll those good years and good times mean a damn thing stacked up against his "fun" quotient with her rite now. p.u.
interesting you'd pick for it to end with you instead of her. doyou feel you can never ever forget or forgive? i wonder about myself. i used to think i could love him again- i'm not sure. i don't think i do now- i don't even like the person he is now- putting tht on a back burner to consider another day, month, year....
still trying i guess - see me here? you too? isn't it amazing we can even do this and keep on trying??? i'm with you- i do okay when things are calm- this poor forum sees my insane side & neurotic me.
oh man- just wrote a rantie post- accidentally sent it and didn't know- tried to hone it down, began cutting things out and accidentally sent that- TWO - INSANE looking posts- this forum world will think i'm such a doofis.
anyway- talk about embarassing myself and being "set back?" queen of set back here.
onward and upward. his flight arrives at noon or so- kind of dread it- fingers crossed.
xxo will be back when can be- hang on- i sure commiserate and share your feelings about all of the above.
