I am sorry that your mediation didn't yield any positive results. It must be so frustrating with you, specially when money is tight.
Yet you tried, even though deep down you probably knew your H would not be reasonable. You can be at peace now with this knowledge.
Your H's actions have been 100% clear - he has shown his intentions and his true colors. Now it's time to put your business face on for the divorce process and protect yourself and your kids. He won't.
You have our support here - come and vent and express yourself here as often as you need.
(((NLW)))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Interesting to hear you comment on his 'unravelling'. It's hard when it's just you and him...I sometimes doubt my 'instincts' about his behaviour so it helps to hear other opinions (even if they are filtered through my lens!)
He seems to be focused exclusively around 'control' - or maybe just doing things in ways that serve him alone. Still frustrating, but I'm coming to expect it of him now - the only expectation I can afford to have these days.
I am frustrated at the lack of forward movement. We are stuck in a stand-off.
I did get some news today that surprised me - and made me feel like I was a in a stronger position.
My L told me that STBX's L said she is no longer representing him, and that future correspondence should go directly to STBX.
And we've only just started the court process.
Wow! It'd take a brave man to run his own case through the financial and legal minefield that our sitch is going to throw up.
Maybe he has flipped out.
He saw D17 briefly yesterday and gave her $100 and same for S14. Totally useless in terms of CS of course, as i can't ask them for the money to buy food or pay their bills, but anyway....
He then asked her for her bank account details so he could "continue to pay money to her and her brother".
Her reply: "Sorry, but you took all the money from our accounts a while ago and you never paid it back. I'm not going to tell you."
NLW - Good for your D! Even before finishing reading that, I thought - oh no... he wants to take their money!
About the L thing - it doesn't surprise me at all. NLW, if you think about it, he has taken money from you, your family, his own kids, from OW. He has refused to provide his financials from day one and now his L is gone... Don't you think this is the behavior of a man who definitely has something to hide?
Please don't forget all his actions to date. I hate to sound like a broken record, but make sure you are protected and foreseeing anything he could try. I don't know what else he could do financially to hurt you at this point, since he is not paying his share of support expenses, but I fear that he would if he could...
The one thing I am still confused about is you keep saying you cannot do anything about the situation and today you said you are at a stand-off. I would assume a judge will force him to provide financials and then force him to pay his share of child support, right? Does he have a job? Couldn't they take the money out directly from his salary? Your L has probably gone through all the scenarios with you, by now.
NLW, I really hope there is something you and your L can do to move things forward - you and your kids have been dealing with your H's abuse for way too long. I cannot imagine how you guys must be feeling, living and walking on eggshells on a daily basis.
Hang in there!
((((NLW))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
My L told me that STBX's L said she is no longer representing him, and that future correspondence should go directly to STBX.
And we've only just started the court process.
Wow! It'd take a brave man to run his own case through the financial and legal minefield that our sitch is going to throw up.
Maybe he has flipped out.
This happened in my sitch, too. They aren't fooling anyone. I don't know how your H thinks he doesn't have to present any financial information. The court will subpoena anything they want otherwise he is in contempt of court, right? He will have to pay support and the judge will not be happy with him whatsoever. The judge will probably throw the book at him! Funny how he says YOU are holding up the D process, NLW, when in essence HE is delaying the process by refusing to cooperate.
These guys live on another planet.
(((NLW)))
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
NLW - Good for your D! Even before finishing reading that, I thought - oh no... he wants to take their money!
Yes, isn't it awful. Imagine being someone whom everyone (especially loved ones) thought this about.
About the L thing - it doesn't surprise me at all. NLW, if you think about it, he has taken money from you, your family, his own kids, from OW. He has refused to provide his financials from day one and now his L is gone... Don't you think this is the behavior of a man who definitely has something to hide?
Yes, This is what my L says too. But STBX is so damned convincing when he gets going. It scares me to think that everyone will believe the story he's woven.
The one thing I am still confused about is you keep saying you cannot do anything about the situation and today you said you are at a stand-off. I would assume a judge will force him to provide financials and then force him to pay his share of child support, right? Does he have a job? Couldn't they take the money out directly from his salary? Your L has probably gone through all the scenarios with you, by now.
Stand-off comes from the fact that he says he no longer has any of the financial details. He says his businesses are now defunct and the records didn't need to be kept.
He also says that almost everything was in my name - the trust, the kids' accounts, the house, the mortgage, most credit cards. He did this to avoid being liable as a Director of his various companies. If he'd had any assets, his creditors would have had a claim on anything that was in his name. So he put everything in my name, set it all up online, using passwords he created, and then did all the transacting that he liked.
I never thought for a moment that I couldn't trust him. I was stupidly too busy with my job, running the house, and doing for the kids to keep tabs on what he was doing.
So now he says I am responsible for providing any financial detail about things. Of course, he took all the hardcopy records with him, so if I want to find anything out, it's $8 per individual monthly statement. Imagine the cost of going back 10 yrs (which is the timeframe of manipulation involved) for around 25-30 separate accounts!
My L says we can subpoena, but this will be very expensive (that makes me shudder - if a L says 'expensive', goodness knows what is coming!).
And in relation to his current income, stbx is still self-employed. To avoid paying tax, he keeps his salary as low as possible, and just uses cash coming into the business as a sort of transaction fund for his living expenses.
His big claim at the moment is that, as a low income earner, he cannot afford any CS. Indeed, he painted the following picture at mediation a few days ago:
He was a much younger, stay-at-home spouse who had sacrificed his career for the benefit of his older, wealthier, established partner (me). And now this evil spouse was trying to do him out of his half share of everything (i.e. superannuation, house, contents, etc).
He said it was so unfair. He compared himself to a younger woman marrying an older man, and this grasping powerful older man trying to leave her with nothing.
Just doing a quick search to check on whether stbx has registered any new businesses lately. He did, last month. So one click led to another until i was on Linkedin.
Then of course, there's a list of 'associates'. So i followed.
Soon came across a blog site for a luxury private yacht, sailing out of Istanbul.
One entry for July last year was "OW and STBX Join Us".
And there in glowing colour and vapid descriptions we have the holiday of a lifetime for OW and STBX.
She is draped over his bather-ed groin in a black bikini as they laze the day away on the deck of a beautiful yacht (just the 2 of them and the skipper) sailing around the mediterranean. They look so happy and pleased with themselves.
Meanwhile, the kids and I sat here, eating baked beans, with no money for heating, no car, and not having school fees paid.
Please tell me that this will be taken into account in court. I hope they'll let me do a powerpoint presentation. The photos are priceless.
