Thanks

[PatientMan]

I am pulling this from another thread for myself, but I just want to say that it seems like everything you are saying is *clicking*, sandi2. Thank you.

I know you are in terrific pain and probably don't realize what your responses are showing her. You are showing her you are too focused on what she's doing. Thus, you asking about what she was watching, etc. You are showing that her reaction (or lack of reaction)to what you ask her, affects your emotions. Then you continued by asking her again, thus showing your neediness for her attention. Then instead of ignoring her jab about you taking whatever you wanted, you had to come back with what could be interpreted as almost whining when you said, "but what if I want to stay here?" Of course, your tone of voice may not have sounded that way, IDK. But judging by the fact you wanted to press on with a R talk, I kind of think it was.

It seems like she expects me to just roll over for her and do whatever she wants.

I understand, but I'm trying to get you to see that you are not helping the matter by that type of interaction with her. The less you do at this point, the better for you. You may not see it right now, but you cannot "reason" with a WAW who is an A.

Here's the main problem with a WAW: disrespect for her H. The lower the feeling of respect goes, the lower the attraction. The higher the respect goes, the higher the attraction. Remember, women are not wired the same as men, and for a woman, she has to respect her H before she can have those "in love" feelings for him. So, it does nothing but antagonize the situation when you say these things.

She continues to stretch her expression of disrespect b/c she has the power to affect you. The one thing you can take power over, is how you will react to her. Every time you get upset, you've given her the power over you.

Yes, it will help when you are out from being in the same house. You will miss her terribly, so you have to prepare to keep your schedule full. Keep people activities as much as you can. Understanding and accepting that it will take lack of contact and TIME.....lots of time before she will want to seek you out again. And when she does, it doesn't mean she's ready, it just means she's curious.

It's a long road to reconciling. And, btw, don' t ever tell her you will wait for her to decide what she wants.....or that you'll be there for her.....or that she can depend upon you, and things like that. It sounds great in wedding vows, but not something you tell a woman who is cheating on you. You want her to wonder if she's lost all of those wonderful things in you.