Letting Go & Moving Forward

[littleGTO]

Thanks, Tori- good to know the WAS's use the same script. I'm anxious to find out how you are doing too!

PoN,thanks for your approval of my handling of today's interactions w H. You are right that I need to continue to detach. I am a very emotional person & I have had my moments of weakness w my H when these big R talks (initiated by him) have happened.

I agree that I will sit back & let H do the work if he intends to. Maybe he will do more thinking now that he's put the big "D" out there & not file right away.

I swear "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..." (Kelly Clarkson). I certainly hope so!

[JuneReN]

(((Turtle))))

I am of the mind that it is over when you decide it is. When you make the decision, not H. Or because of H. I think it is a process where we stand as long as we need to, as long as we feel we have to and then we don't. Only you will know when you are ready, but don't let a circumstance or someone else dictate what you should be doing. Only you get to do that. In DBing and moving forward we get to move on as well, and learn that there are things, like these decisions, that no one can force us to do.

No matter what, I am here and so is every one else and you are loved

[littleGTO]

Thanks for your support, ruby!

[bustingout]

GTO, I am so sorry to read your news. I also think you handled the conversation extremely well and agree with the others to continue your GAL and keep detaching and moving forward. It is all for YOU.

(((((((((((( ))))))))))

[littleGTO]

Thanks, bustin'. I need the support.

Today I went to visit my SIL (1:15 hr away) and my FIL came over too (he lives 5 min from SIL). It was a great visit overall. My SIL is in chemo & she is an amazing source of strength for the family.

After FIL left she & I talked about current situation. I know her viewpoint (it's time for things to move forward) but I told her I was still standing and would not be helping the process move, as I didn't want my M to end.

She is angry at her brother/my H and thinks he's just been quite irrational and selfish for a while now & doesn't see the fog lifting.

It was a beautiful day & we sat outside for some time talking. I don't know if it was the sunshine or finally being warm enough to sit outside but I felt GOOD today. STRONG. Like I can do this (whatever this is)!

I also called my mom on the ride home & we talked. My mom & I have never been close (she lives half way across the country- yes, jp--in your area-ish) but since I finally opened up to them in October my parents have been nothing but supportive of me.

And they are not pushing for me to do anything-just offering support and listening and love. Just what I need! Amazing that connections can still be made that have never really been there at this point in my life!

Can't wait to meet w a new friend tomorrow (GAL) for a walk & talk and maybe some tennis!!!!!!

[jp787]

LittleGTO,
Thank you for your words and support it is appreciated.

I think that you deciding to stand for your M is good and I too will be standing for my M. I think I have finally learned that I do need to put myself first and fix what is broken with me, so that I can be OK and be able to stand for my M in a helpful healthy way.

I think my in laws would be supportive of me, yet I do not reach out in fear of how W would see it.

I too have a strained relationship with my mother and have been brought closer to her since this mess. I have learned that I need to forgive her. I am glad to hear that you and your mother are communicating.

[tori2012]

GTO, just wanted to stop by to send you a big hug. You're an amazing person; a divine creation--remember that.

[littleGTO]

Haven't written in a while but have just been reading the past couple of nights. Have been VERY busy at work and with kids' activities so time has been limited and when I get home I am EXHAUSTED.

Starting to think about summer plans for me and my boys. Made airline reservations to meet up with my whole family--me & boys only. Felt like a big decision, but necessary as H is not going to be part of the picture this summer. Living as if.

H was at the house today & I asked him if he would show me how to use the mower and the weedwhacker (as it is about time to mow the lawn for the first time).

He replied, "I was planning on mowing the lawn."

I said, "I don't expect you to do that."

He said, "I know but it's only once every 2 weeks. It's no big deal. Why shouldn't I?"

I said, "Very simple. You don't live here anymore."

The truth is I don't want him hanging around mowing the lawn this summer while I'm home. I can mow. I use to do it. Plus I really just don't want him around the house at all.

Today he was "laying out" in the sun while the boys were in the house watching tv/ playing w their ipods. It is not going to help me move forward /heal from the loss of my M if he is going to flaunt his hot bod at my home (yes, he looks great, but the point is it makes it harder for me).

I feel a shift happening within me. I don't want this life. I need to move forward too. I need to REALLY let him go. If he wants to be w OW there is nothing I can do about this. And, even if he doesn't, he clearly has shown he doesn't want life w me and our family.

I want love again someday. But, I need to heal first. In order to heal I feel I need to live a life w/o him.

I do want to be able to co-parent in a positive way w him, but I can NOT be friends w him. I do not want to know about his life w OW (when it moves forward).

Part of me just wants him to file. Part of me wants him to realize what a HUGE mistake he's made.

I wish I knew God's plan for me. Time will tell.

[JuneReN]

(((Turtle)))))

I find that when H is out of sight, out of mind is easier too. Good decision with the mowing, plus your kids are old enough to help as well.

Sit on the "done" part. Your next statement about a "HUGE mistake" is telling me that you are in a bit of a "so there!" mindset....

You are worth so much and it is cool to watch you realize how amazing you are :))

[Papa4Life]

Time will tell, indeed. Thanks for posting this, I hate that anybody else has to be going through the same pain and heartache as I am feeling, but it's good to know that I'm not alone. That I'm not a freak for feeling like, against all odds and contrary to everything that has happened and the things that have been said, that I still believe it's worthwhile to hope that things with my W will someday all work out and my kids won't have to know the sadness of a broken home.

I wish you patience and strength in the time ahead. Or I would if I didn't sense that you've already got that in abundace.