Here's the latest update: W is still giving all the signs that it's "D or Bust", as far as she's concerned and I'm working hard to keep detaching. I've found it very difficult, but I'm trying.
The major issue lately has been agreeing on when we each can take time outside the house. W and I for years took time switching off bringing the kids to bed and we recently agreed that the person who was "on duty" would handle everything and the other person was free to do their own thing. So, when it came time to decide when we would be free to go out, I just said, whoever isn't with the kids is free to go out. W complained about that bc she says she has things with work that she has to do and can't control the scheduling. This is very illustrative of a major issue in our M. W is so dedicated to her job that at times I feel that she is unrealistic in her demands for free time. When W goes out she almost invariably leaves right from work, which leaves me to pick up kids, feed the young 'uns, tidy up, and see them off to bed. I on the other hand, usually don't leave until 7 or 8, which means I usually do much of the above before I leave.
Another issue is that W is having an EA with her assistant manager (62) and she finally admitted that she has gone out with him alone and talks about our sitch with him, after denying it for months. She also visited a man from a course she is participating in (part of the program is that they visit each other at their jobs to see their management styles in action) and she didn't get home until midnight. What's odd is that I'm less bothered about OM than I am about feeling taken advantage of. Perhaps this is because W's low libido has been an issue in our M, so it's hard to imagine her burning up with lust for an OM! On a related note, I have brought up having what I call a "farewell party" with my W (my own libido is still intact, even if my M is falling apart), but looking back it almost feels like harassment on my part, so I've stopped bringing it up.
I suppose this issue of W wanting me to keep doing the lion's share of the childcare (hey!) will be an issue even post-D, so I'm going to need to stand up for myself.
As some have suggested, I've decided to take a vacation to visit the family in the States for a few weeks. W will be on her own (just as I have been on so many occaisions and I think it will be an eye-opener for her. Although, knowing W, she'll call on her parents to help. I can't wait to go.
"Now leaving limbo land. You'll be back..."
M41 W42 M 12 T 15 S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2 BD 1/2/2013 Living as roommates Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13
would handle everything and the other person was free to do their own thing. So, when it came time to decide when we would be free to go out, I just said, whoever isn't with the kids is free to go out. W complained about that bc she says she has things with work that she has to do and can't control the scheduling. This is very illustrative of a major issue in our M. W is so dedicated to her job that at times I feel that she is unrealistic in her demands for free time. When W goes out she almost invariably leaves right from work, which leaves me to pick up kids, feed the young 'uns, tidy up, and see them off to bed. I on the other hand, usually don't leave until 7 or 8, which means I usually do much of the above before I leave. 