Any hope???

[BFloat]

hi emily.. i'm sorry you find yourself here. but if you're going to be anywhere.. this is probably the best place.

i know your mind is probably racing a mile a minute.. thinking of what you should have done.. what you want to do if given the chance...

but the advice to take a breath is a really good one. in these confusing times, it's easy to make haste decisions. ones we might not necessarily make if we were given time to really think and reflect. take your time.. it's a long ride.. we'll try and help you get through it.

[Emilys88]

well like i mentioned above he said no to me moving home. I asked what would he do if i just stayed in our home? He would get a barracks room to get away from me.

I told him i wont stay without his blessing, and left it at that. The reason he even thought about it was he felt guilty. He just said he didnt miss me and doesnt want to bother with it.

I finally reached my level of dettachment, i love him but im tired of the verbal and mental abuse, and the EA. He hasnt taken accounitabiliy for anything he has done. all because i didnt kiss him back and not enough sex during my fight with depression. ohand how i used the wrong term of S.

I still want my marriage but im starting to get mad that he was making every bad thing my fault, and too chicken to tell me to my face he just wanted out to be single.

[Emilys88]

oh no i would never bring a child into this world with a motive, just meant a mini him makes me sad.

His top three are
Physical touch
quality time
words of affermation

Yeah ive had this since birth, i think when i get my own place and move my things up here itll help. Ive been applying for jobs and volunteer work.

[Emilys88]

Sent Him two texts after out call

Other then you didn't miss me, is there any other good reason why you won't give me one last chance? On the off chance we could get along again and be happy? I know I would be able to move on with a clear mind knowing I tried my best this last time without someone else in the background and knowing the things I know now. Like I said I won't stay without your blessing.

Please don't ignore me, I just would like answers. This whole situation is confusing to me.


He ignores me and keeps texting away with his mommy, I finally sent him this

I think I'm finally understanding what's going on. Its nothing I've done, it all boils down to you don't want to be married anymore but just won't come out and say it. So I'm done chasing you, I'd like to save our marriage but I can't do it alone. So good luck with your future I want nothing but happiness for you.

[Emilys88]

today i can tell i've turned a corner on my emotions. I'm more angry with him instead over weepy and sad.

I told him i was turning off the cable/internet because he didnt pay bills last pay period and i need to protect myself since they are in my name, he said he understood.

I still dont want a D but ive accepted it last night and as much as it hurts im done chasing him.

[Emilys88]

*

[~ kd ~]

I just saw your post about him not wanting you back in the house, or he would move out.

I understand if you do not want to think about D right now, but you really should be sure of your legal rights. And, beyond that, your legal obligations, such as your portion of any debt, even if that debt is accumulated by him, during your undocumented separation.

Regarding him suggesting he is not missing you, IF your H is having a crises, it is likely you will begin to hear a lot of "script" from him. He may not think he is missing you right now, but he certainly IS thinking about you. As indicated by the comm from him. AND, a crises can create a condition where his memory may be a little... off... if not (unconsciously) selective. Even re-writing your history together.

Just understand that this would be "normal".

Along with that "normal" will be his blaming you for everything, as you are starting to notice.

It is OK to be angry, it will be one of the emotions you will go through during this process. Being angry means that you are not detached. When you truly become detached, you will not have (a whole lot of) emotional attachment to things he may say or do, yet you will find that you still can love him.

While it may be difficult to speak to his LL of physical touch, there certainly will be times of contact, even if it is just text, email, or phone. During these times, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation CAN be part of how you interact with him. Just so long as, AT THIS TIME, they do not include anything to do with your relationship with him.

Does that make sense?

Please read the topic in a sticky in the Newcomers forum (the one your thread is in) called "Sandi's rules". There are a few things that you really will want to get a handle on, such as venting at him, or pleading with him, and of course the detaching.

You definitely want to stop chasing him. Depending on his state of mind, he will eventually stop running AND... he could possibly start contact you more... because he will be trying to figure out where your head is at. Stay clear from the R talks in any comm. Again, read Sandi's rules. They definitely apply to you, right now.

[Emilys88]

ThankYou Kaffe I'll go read that Now.

[Emilys88]

making plans to go down to the house and get my personal things like clothes,computer, etc. for this weekend. Bad idea, or good way to show that im moving on?

I asked him to not be at the home because i dont trust myself not to break down and look pathetic. He thought I didnt want to see him because im pissed. I told him no, its just too hard to see you.

[Emilys88]

That could not have gone worse, he had the whole house ripped apart. I asked to meet for coffee to go over stuff, he didn't want to go at first.

Met him at DD and his mother was with him, I asked to talk alone. He was pissed off the minute I walked in the door. I just asked him why he is so angry with me and why I'm the enemy.

He stood up and left, I followed him outside because I still wanted to ask about the cell phones. I stood by the car door he turned around and ran to his mothers car, I called him a coward and was talking to him through the window and his mom told me to get out of her car, sadly I lost it and told her to F off.

I'm not proud of what happened but I hit my limit, I just want to know why he is doing this. Supposedly he is hauling my things up to SD. I don't trust him to not give me my things or if they arrive unbroken.

This kills me, I lost my best friend and was hoping to remain friends but guess that ain't happening. There is definitely something wrong, he is so angry and yesterday said that we needed to inform him if we were coming so we are not met at the door with a double barrel shotgun.............he has gone off the deep end.