IF....IF this is ever gonna work out, all of that anger HAS to come out of her, and she HAS to feel like her complaints were valid, and heard.
Quote:
It is very true for her, and it is very real for her. And if she is willing to share that, then I would advise you to sit down where you can really LISTEN to her. Grab a nice big cup of STFU, and really listen to her....
Listen to her side of things, how she feels, how she thinks...
Seek to understand her before you need to be understood...
Quote:
Listen without defending, and speak without offending....
^^^And these!
Just remember Chris, this isn't the time to reason/ explain/ agree/ disagree/ justify/ etc. Just validate. Listen to her, really listen. Make eye contact. Remove all distractions (no TV, kids, etc.) Take her seriously. Nod. Ask questions, like "how did that make you feel?" Try to get her to explore her feelings. Tell her you understand why she feels the way she does. Don't let your ego get bruised. You're going into this expecting to get beat up, you're already deflated and you don't even know what she's going to talk about yet!! But what you see as a beat-down many of us see as a golden opportunity, one that few of us get. Most of us, we beg our wives to tell us what went wrong and they say "it's too late for that". So we have to guess at what our 180's should be. Your W has offered to hand them to you on a golden platter! Seize the opportunity! This isn't a negative experience, it's a positive one! Respond properly to it and it could be the bridge to healing your W's wounds!
