Continuing The Positive Changes

[ThisDayForward]

Just wanted to start a thread to continue to get support. I didn't realize how difficult piecing was until I was in the middle of it. My biggest struggle to date is communication and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[MrBond]

What has been the problem with communication? Have you and your W had sex yet since all this started?

I remember that I suggested that you tell your W that the two of you go into counseling immediately, but you said no because you didn't want to scare her off.

Your feelings of "waiting for the other shoe to drop" is because you have never addressed any of the issues from before.

[ThisDayForward]

Mr. B yes we have had sex a few times a month since January. My W will not go to counseling and I can't force her to do something she doesn't want. Plus unless the counseling is solution based counseling I see no point in it myself. I've had 5 counselors who all suggest divorce.

We've addressed several of the issues of before but I haven't had any sort of verbal feedback from her about how she thinks the marriage is going now. We haven't sat down and discussed anything. We sort of just started to move on with our life and marriage.

Part of my EE goals was to start communicating with my W. There has been tiny strides but nothing significant. Almost like we need to have a state of the union talk. How I think things are going and how she thinks things are going could be polar opposite without feedback or communication

[MrBond]

"My W will not go to counseling and I can't force her to do something she doesn't want."

Have you asked her? What does she think of the communication between the two of you.

"Plus unless the counseling is solution based counseling I see no point in it myself. "

Then why don't you find one? If only for yourself?

Would she be open to reading a book on the subject? At the very least, you should try reading on your own and maybe get her interested in it.

Either way, it doesn't do any good to sweep things under the rug.

Did she ever tell you why she was going through what she was going through? Have you had any heart to heart talks?

[ThisDayForward]

We haven't had any major heart to heart talks. She mentioned in short conversations that she saw me working to make changes. She has joked about going through some sort of mid life crisis with me a little and definitely a neighbor. She often references that she is "going crazy" from being a stay at home mom for 7 plus years.

I've looked into solution based counselors in my area and there are none available.

We really need to have a heart to heart (or it would help me) conversation. It is one of my EE goals that I'm trying to tackle.

I know my W is not the counseling type or book reading type. I am and I do read stuff.

[MrBond]

"I know my W is not the counseling type or book reading type."

Mindreading. So you never actually asked her?

Maybe she'd be more inclined to read about MLC. The Conway's have a great book on it for women.

[ThisDayForward]

Not mind reading she told me this several times point blank. Need to open communication up before throwing literature at her

[MrBond]

"Not mind reading she told me this several times point blank."

She told you this AFTER things settled down?

"Need to open communication up before throwing literature at her"

How do you plan to do this?

[ThisDayForward]

Yup after things settled.

I'm open to ideas but having heart to hearts usually happen without planning.
I know I'm in a better position to talk without reaction

[MrBond]

Then plan a talk. Or you can casually talk about other relationships and ask your W what she thinks about certain situations. Anything to get a dialogue going.