I re-read my bootcamp thread yesterday and I will say what Mach1 has already said to me.....some things have changed dramatically....and some things are still the same.
Up til recently, I still struggled with W's relationship with OM (ok, it still bothers me, I'm just not confused on where I stand with it). I always wanted to say "we can make this work....but not with OM in it." Ultimately, I was afraid that if I gave W an ultimatum, she would leave. It was more insecurity, different than what I'm used to, but the same in a lot of ways. There was also that element of control I was trying to avoid, as it was a huge issue for us. Top that off with things seemed great, and there you go...recipe for limbo.
I see now that me not having enough self-respect to say "enough" allowed my W to cake eat. She has had the best of both worlds....loving, caring, financially responsible husband....as well as the fun, let's have a good time, OM. Who wouldn't continue down that road? I didn't make her choose, so she didn't.
I've managed to piece together most of what has happened over the last couple of years. She had PA with OM....he decided to work on his M, so magically things got better with us. But, they kept in contact, they still worked together, they still saw each other regularly. I think this regular contact was enough for my W to not want to "really try" at our M, or postpone the D. At some point, OM's W bailed and then my W started pursuing him again. All the while, she kept me in limbo...either because it was easier, or because of the house not selling, or she was simply confused. I really don't know.
When I found the pictures she'd been sending him, I was so angry and hurt. I barely talked to her, and that upset her immensely. Within just a few days, she was sleeping with OM again and telling him she loves him. I still don't get the vibe that he is sure he wants to pursue it long term, but my W sure does.
So, W will get my settlement agreement tonight or tomorrow morning and given that I had it written with what she asked me for, I fully expect her to sign. We also have interest in the house, so perhaps the stars will align and I can be out of this in the next month or two.
I'm getting better every day, but it's tough going.
