Losing Hope w/WAH

[azguy]

I worry that you seem to be looking for a sort of recipe of what you should do next, as reb was talking to you about. I suspect you're hoping if you just do this or that, it will get through to him.

I'm sorry to say it probably will not work like that. If he changes his mind, it will be on his timescale and for his reasons. There is no magic recipe to get him to see how wrong he is (from your perspective).

So why bother doing anything? Well, there are few spouses who feel all the faults lie with the other person. There are plenty of issues with mysef (anger, control, thoughfulness) that I have been working on since noticing them when my wife left. I am more the person I want to be. I hope she notices, but even if she doesn't I'm happier with myself now. I encourage you to look inside yourself and start working. Tell the group what you want to work on, if you'd like some support.

Of course you can do all of this without DB. What makes this useful for your M, is that it makes you look more attractive to your spouse, should he at some point look back. Keep the way back for him as smooth and inviting as possible, if you remain interested in the R.

This can also help with specific questions. Should you go dark? say hi? If the action is similar behavior to what he complained about, or actions you think were wrong in your M, don't do it. If it highlights a generous or improved behavior from you, work on doing it. It's not easy, it's not fair. But, it will be totally worth it for your sense of doing what you feel is right for the M.

So, can you tell us what you are going to work on?